When Do We Become Very Accommodative

Often times we are so accommodative towards people in our life, we forget that our needs are compromised or sacrificed. We explain this away by saying that we wanted peace and hence we accommodated or adjusted.

But what exactly were we doing? Why do some people make a complete mess of their life by never standing up for their own needs?

The problem starts with their childlike nature even as adult. They believe that the world will play fair as they themselves do. And they haven't learnt to negotiate, assert themselves or blackmail ("I won't open my legs if...") their way to get what they want. They depend on their environment, the people in their life, to do what is fair. 

But fairness exists only till our school life. Only when we are children are we graded for exactly what we do, how we behave, how we perform and not for what we intended to do, to behave, to perform etc. 

Changing the focus from actual performance to intention to perform is the mark of survival instinct that innocent people lack. Imagine insisting that you be given marks in your school exam because you intended to write the right answer even if you didn't actually write it! This doesn't work in school life but in adult emotional life this works. And the person who hasn't learnt this will suffer.

Now in an adult life, bereft of the above traits most normal adults  have, these innocent people are completely dependent on an environment that is fair and professional to succeed. The personal life is hardly ever professional, because emotional and professional hardly ever mix. There innocent people usually have a very messy personal life.

Such innocent people, when they come across situations of conflict, almost always accommodate because they know of no other way to address the conflict. 

Some run away or avoid such situations. Those that can't or wont, end up accommodating.

The problem becomes compounded for people who crave company or emotional connection. Such craving is usually very expensive if one has not learnt how to survive.

So what should such people do now?
Learn to negotiate?
Learn to be assertive and walk away?
Learn to blackmail?

As parents, when our child is innocent we are so happy. Little do we imagine the plight of our "innocent" children when they turn adults.

How are we, as a society, addressing the issues of such innocents? Where is the protector they crave?

Those innocent adults who are reading this: 
Did it strike a chord?
How do you feel? And react?
Do you feel your dignity has been violated repeatedly as an adult?
Do you want to change it?

Then you have to learn some new things. The world is feminine. It isn't fair. What matters more is what you say and how you say than what you do. 

Learn to negotiate, to be assertive, to "blackmail" or to walk way. It isn't easy to learn these at your age. But then do you like your life to continue as before?