Friday, October 9, 2026

Oh, I Think I Was Raped

We have been hearing about the Cornell (University) 7 - the frat boys who gangraped a Jane Doe on Oct 19, 2024. 


There have been 2 points of view along gender lines. One group believing that it was awful that the fraternity boys took turn violating her for hours when she was intoxicated. Some guys even invited others to join in, as though she was an edible thing being distributed. This was pathetic animal behaviour.


The second group points out two things. 

A) That if women cannot take responsibility for having consented while drunk, how can men be responsible for violating a woman when they, men, were drunk? 

B) How is it that Jane Doe's testimony initially was that it was all consensual and she later (after being disinvited to a Halloween party by the fraternity) said that 90% of all that happened that night was non-consensual? What gives.. Read this.


Both views make sense. This post primarily addresses the second group. Why did Jane Doe's testimony change? 


I was thinking about the Bhopal gas tragedy that occurred a few decades ago in the central Indian city of Bhopal. Poisonous gas fumes leaked from the factory of Union Carbide, an American company, and killed thousands of people residing near the Carbide factory. 


India is a developing country. At that time about 40 years ago it was a poor country. Compensation for deaths at that time may have been of the order of about $1000 per person. Indians were used to a paltry sum as compensation unlike the amounts paid out in the USA.

When Indian government realized that the payout could be much larger than $1000 per person they left the initial baseline figure and caught on to a higher number that was, say, $1 million per dead person. 


Now let's ask the question. Initially India was asking for a small amount per casualty because that was the norm in India. But when perhaps a sister pointed out that there is a different legal remedy which India could be entitled to, did India say "Nah, we don't want that million dollars per death" or did India say "Yes, that's what we want. It's legal too".

Now, a question to the second group. If you were representing India in the Bhopal gas tragedy case against Union Carbide. What would you claim finally even if you initially were quite comfortable with a different (much smaller) number? 


Now tell me. What's wrong with Jane Doe's thoughts? If the legal system gives her a chance to say "No, I think it was not consensual because even if I may have said Yes initially, I said so in my drunken state and hence the YES doesn't count.


Continuing further, let's see if the same principle can apply in matrimonial / divorce cases in India.

in India where women claim to have faced domestic violence and demand alimony the same principle above could apply. If I, the wife, believe that I may have been subjected to violence and that I could be legally entitled to a large alimony, why would I settle for anything else?

Isn't the question "Was i subject to domestic violence?" similar to "Was I raped?". There is a lot of subjectivity in each question. And if the answer can be yes, then there can be a mighty payback at the end. Why wouldn't I try to claim it?


There are 2 beneficial outcomes.

1. You claim more benefits. Maybe you will get some bonus. 

2. You have added one more case to the list of abuses against your gender, caste etc. 

By doing this we have diluted the importance of the genuine cases. Even those might now seem made up.


Pointing out a plausible explanation that absolves / empowers / enriches you while destroying a perceived enemy seems like a great ploy and very rewarding emotionally. Read the stories given in additional reading below.


Additional reading: 

  1. https://vbala99.blogspot.com/2018/09/stockholm-syndrome.html - rape isn't about consent. It's about how you feel after the event.
  2. Dowry harrassment case filed by wife after allegedly murdering her husband. If you had a legal option to file dowry harrassment legally, why wouldn't you?
  3. And this. A couple was in a consensual relationship for 3 years. Later the man didn't marry her. She filed a rape case against her partner. If legally you are allowed to file such a case, why wouldn't you?
  4. Trump is better.- Just like people were pointed to Joe Biden for all the problems in their life, perhaps Jane Doe was pointed to the 7 man target in the last couple of years. 

Monday, September 1, 2025

Can't You Take A Few More Steps

Recently a friend of mine asked his sister whether she couldn't take a few steps to help him out. It happens that she had done plenty for him in the past.


I was reminded of a scene in the old Tamil movie Sumai Thangi where L Vijayalakshmi tells her brother Gemini Ganesan, the hero of the movie, that he has done so much for her in the past. When I thought she would then consider repaying him, she requests her brother to do her one more favor.


This idea of asking one more favor after many or taking a few more steps after many is something i haven't been able to digest. It comes easily to some people, especially to people who are generally very empathetic!

Children Want It. (I don't)

I was watching a reel today. It shows a mom telling dad that it's mother's day and that the children, two young boys, want to present an expensive necklace to the mother. The father is convinced by everyone, much to his irritation, that he has to go to the mall to purchase the necklace that the boys want to present to their mom on mother's day. Of course the mother is doing it all for the boys, not for herself. 



This reminded me of a discussion i had with a female friend who was a Hindi teacher. She told me one day that that particular year was very hard on her then seven year old daughter and she had been telling her husband to take them all to a nice hill station, Kodaikanal, for the summer. 


I told her it was expensive to go to and stay in Kodaikanal and asked her if it was really necessary. She said it was absolutely. The child really needed a break. 

I suggested that her husband could take her daughter to Kodaikanal and she could stay home instead, considering that it was the daughter who badly needed a break and that she herself, just like the mother in the reel above, wasn't keen about it for herself.


Guess what my friend's reaction was to my suggestion that husband and child could go without her. "A ha ha ha, why should I not go?"


Whether it's a necklace or Kodaikanal or maintenance for the child in their custody, they can make a good case for "it's not for me at all, it's for..." Now the final question over which i have lost all my hair: At what age do women learn to project their own needs on somone else?

Thursday, May 29, 2025

Being In Someone's Shoes

I am back here after a long break. Many things happened in those years. I have changed a little i guess in those years. Maybe I will write about events that happened then.

Now let's come to today's post!

A friend of mine lost her family, consisting of her parents and a brother, one by one. She was the only earning member in her family. Some acquaintance of hers remarked to her (my friend's) employer that my friend had gone through a very difficult time and managed it pretty well. 


To this the boss responded that anyone in my friend's position could and would have done the same thing. And hence there was nothing remarkable in what my friend did. 


Probably true what the boss lady said. Anyone who went through the same circumstances as my friend perhaps would have done the same thing. And maybe what my friend did wasn't remarkable. 


Just as anyone in Sachin Tendulkar's shoes would have achieved what he did. Anyone in Mahatma Gandhi's shoes would have done what he did. Anyone in Bill Gates's or Jeff Bezos' shoes would have done exactly what they did 

No big deal. 


I have a question here for the boss. What is a big deal? 

Sunday, September 29, 2024

Whom Do We Trust

I came across this: APNews being the trusted source of news for half the world. 


And there is Truth Social which also is read and trusted by half of America, the Republicans. Truth Social is Trump's own Twitter like platform.

Are APNews and Truth Social at the same level and alike then? Imagine if the CEO of AP News and Trump were both invited to be felicitated for adhering to the highest standards of truth! 

I am reminded of a comedy scene in a Tamil movie where a beggar, waiting for some money from a vegetable shop owner, finds himself standing next to a police constable who has come to the shop for hafta ("wet his beak" in Mafia terms) - both of them being shooed away by the shop keeper who is busy attending to his paying customers!

Having half the world read your news or listen to you is hardly a great thing. Truth Social does that too. I wish APNews would try to differentiate itself from Truth social.

Tuesday, October 24, 2023

Trump's Election Interference

I can think anything that may not be true. And I can say untruths because I have a right to freedom of speech.


Based on that thought and words of mine I can allege anything. And incite others with my words to take any action, even illegal ones.


If people claim what I said was wrong and that my actions of incitement to violence was wrong, I can claim that I acted on advice of my counsel.


I do not recognise the concept of right or wrong. A man's purpose is to win. Losing is not an option.


I am not accountable for any words or actions of mine. I will continue to fight until I get what I want.


Friday, October 20, 2023

Math Puzzle - Instagram Series

The question was shared on Instagram by the handle @maths.puzzles__. The puzzle states, "Only 2% of students solved this question. 5+3+2= 151022, 9+2+4= 183652, 8+6+3= 482466, 5+4+5= 202541 Then 7+2+5 =?"

Thursday, May 18, 2023

Guess The Direction Of The Train

This photo was taken in a train sleeper compartment in the morning. The train was going from Moradabad to Lucknow. Was the train moving to the left or to the right? Explain.


Map showing Moradabad and Lucknow (both circled in red pen). Regular Map pointing North



Beautiful Thought and Beautiful Emotion

I was thinking of the difference between a beautiful emotion and a beautiful thought.


This is a Beautiful jathi someone choreographed. Look how it is.


Now this is an Excel sheet i choreographed.



See how beautiful it is.

What is the learning here? 

An emotion is exceptional if it moves your heart. 

A thought is exceptional if it serves a purpose, solves a problem. The sheet above may be an Excel jathi but not a useful one.

An expression of emotion can be beautiful. A thought is never beautiful. That's not the purpose of a thought.

If a thought seems beautiful, it was actually an emotion.

A person strong in emotions can create beauty and elegance. A person strong in thought cannot.


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Oh, I Think I Was Raped

We have been hearing about the Cornell (University) 7 - the frat boys who gangraped a Jane Doe on Oct 19, 2024.  There have been 2 points o...