Insensitivity - Varieties

A friend of mine is usually accused of being insensitive. She is an extremely generous person and one who would volunteer to help out others at the drop of a hat. She has other friends, women, who are very caring and sensitive but who would hardly ever volunteer to help anyone. They draw a strict boundary when it comes to lending money or doing something for even their close family and friends. I thought this behavior of her friends was very insensitive.

So then my asked me how she herself, being considered insensitive, was different from her friends.

Good question. I had to think through this.

Some of us are sensitive to the emotional needs of others. Others are sensitive to the physical needs of others while being completely oblivious to their emotional needs. 

The first kind, such as my friend's friends, are the feelers who are completely indifferent to the physical (financial, physical) needs of others. My friend is a thinker who is empathetic to the physical and financial needs of others but not to their emotional needs.

I realized that each kind (T, F) berates the other kind for being insensitive while itself being insensitive, thoughtless in other respects.

Strange how the word insensitivity is used very differently by each kind.

Conflict between FPs and TJs
TJs are sensitive to rules and their violations. 
FP's are sensitive to the image they have in public and violations to the image

Worrying about other people's feelings is stressful.  It's easy for feelers to be with you if you are a TJ since you wont get hurt easily (by violation to your image) and they can  let their guard down.
But then you are extremely sensitive and vigilant towards rules and violations of rules and this pisses the FPs off because they aren't particular about rules. Interactions between thinkers and feelers creates this conflict.