What happens if I am not a strong, self sufficient person?
I do not have the strength to get what I want. I feel no one cares enough about me. I think of all the things I have done for people. How come people don't offer to help me when I am in need.
I am not able to catch on to things around me. People talk about Amazon, Flipkart, internet, user id, email, cloud etc. I am not able to relate these to things that I understand and grew up with.
I feel lonely. I hardly have anyone to talk to. My body is not like it used to be before. It doesn't cooperate with me. Every physical act needs the help of someone. It's painful to have to ask someone to bathe me and wash me after I have been to the toilet. I didn't choose to be this way. But why, oh why, did I have to face this situation? I have no one that speaks kindly to me.
I do not even have the means to take my own life. At times I feel it's far better to fall into a coma. At least then I won't be aware of how I feel.
The weakness and the awareness of it is an awful combination. When one is a baby, one is equally dependent on others for everything. But a baby doesn't feel humiliation or embarrassment. And with time a baby grows to be independent.
For me the future will bring only more dependence. I hate to consider the stage when I can't even do what I can now. That I might have to be fed. Or carried.
I find it difficult not to harbor ill feelings towards others. I tell myself that it's in poor taste to feel that way.
How long will this go on? When will people realize that I am a human being deserving of love.
Is an old and feeble person to be discarded like an old appliance?
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