The Weak Shall Inherit The Earth

When we are driven by need and comfort, we tend to express pain. When we are driven by pride, we tend not to express pain.

When we express pain, we are indirectly setting expectations of what we cannot do and what cannot be expected of us. A friend told me recently that she had been suffering from insomnia and hence she could not do things expected of her. That she had a good justification for not doing the things expected of her is part of her nature and that of most feelers'. If I have pain, I am exempted from responsibility, right?

When we express pain, we give another person an opportunity to be empathetic towards us and also to know the details of what we are going through. These details are like an icing which can be correlated with other things about us by the audience and used / misused later. You must have heard some people complain that their spouses don't express their emotions at all. Now you know why (they complain). We want to see vulnerability, not strength. Vulnerability is far more precious to exhibit than strength. 

The ones that have pride try not to feel pain, definitely hate to express pain and hate to sound vulnerable. Those with pride tend to suppress any indication of vulnerability. Such people inspire our awe. And we can't stand to socialize with them except when we need their help. The best part of us, our empathy, is useless  when directed at them. Our worst, our need, could be addressed by them. 

Those with pride and don't express pain end up being just a piece of meat for those without and do. When you are thirsty you go to a tap of water and fill yourself. Once those with pride understand that they are just a tap to those that are thirsty, it does take decades to understand this, they tend to hate and avoid people who are constantly in pain. 

The ones with pride become vulnerable caught between their immense desire not to show pain and the extreme need to avoid those feelers that constantly are in pain. 

National Geographic shows animals that are being digested by their predators while still being alive. What those who are in pain do to those who have pride is no different.

If you want to survive, play weak.

While I had been toying with these ideas for sometime, they were triggered by a scene that I watched in a TV serial "Gopurangal Chaaivadhillai".

A young lady Priya is engaged to a guy Chandru. Chandru's sister Varsha is engaged to Shiva who is Priya's brother. A pair of siblings are engaged to be married to another pair. Varsha's father consents to the marriage between Priya and Chandru only because his daughter insists on getting married to Shiva. Priya and Shiva's father is no more. Shiva has struggled to take care of his mother and younger sister while also doing his MBBS and then specializing in Psychiatry.

Now in this social circle, a father (A) can't get his daughter married to a guy while simultaneously refusing to let that guy's sister marry his (A's) son. 

Now here is the twist. Shiva, while being engaged to Varsha, is actually in love with Meera, who also loves him dearly. Priya and Chandru love each other. Shiva is caught between wanting to marry Meera while being engaged to Varsha. And the deal is that A, Varsha's father, has consented to the marriage between Priya and Chandru only because Shiva has agreed to marry Varsha. 

Now we come to the scene that interested me. Priya is talking to her brother Shiva. She has just come to me know that he is planning to abort his impending marriage with Varsha. Priya knows what the repercussion would be - that her own marriage to Chandru, then, would be in jeopardy. She pleads with her brother to reconsider his decision to abort. "Look, you have taken care of me not like like a brother but like a father. You have given everything to me. There is nothing I wouldn't do for you (C). But imagine how much pain you would cause to me and mother and Varsha and Chandru by your decision. Are you only looking at your happiness? If you abort your marriage, then mine will be cancelled too. Then mother will go into a shock and would commit suicide. When that happens, I will have nothing left in my life. I too will have to commit suicide. Do you only worry about your own happiness? (D)"

I thought of the character of Priya. It is amazing to hear statements C and D made by the same person to another person within a span of a minute.
Some people repay a favor by asking for more. Weakness and a lack of pride are essential to survival. 

One type of people see their income or benefits as a reward for what they produce. The weak ones see the benefits as a compensation for their pain. For those with pride, work has to be done to get a compensation. For the other group, pain has to be expressed to get the same result.

My advice to those with pride: Run for cover when you meet those with pain. They will suck you dry.

Note:
Need does not necessarily mean a lack of energy, resources, money. It only means a need of things substantially in excess of what one can get with what one already has.

Additional reading
https://vbala99.blogspot.com/2018/12/path-to-god-and-immorality.html