IDMI And SIA

I had earlier referred to the often uttered "I didn't mean it (=IDMI) in https://vbala99.blogspot.com/2019/02/idmi-and-itbc.html

IDMI was an expression that was constantly on my thoughts as I tried to figure out why some people use it so often while others don't. Even those who use it often will use it only on certain occasions and on others they play the victim role.

I wanted to reduce this transaction to the simplest terms. 

If you look at the "Perpetrator who says IDMI and the "Victim" who says SIA (= "Someone Is Affected") there are important assertions going on. I list them below.

• The Perpetrator (the person who said I DIDN'T MEAN IT =IDMI) is saying that he doesn't care whether the Victim got affected but he didn't meant it and hence he is not responsible.
• The Victim is saying that someone got affected and it doesn't matter whether the perpetrator intended to or not.

Now THIS is wonderful. The Perpetrator and Victim are discussing two DIFFERENT areas of the same issue. It's like a game that people play (Read https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Games_People_Play_(book)). Neither the Perpetrator nor the Victim directly negates what the other is saying. The Perpetrator doesn't tell the Victim that the latter isn't affected. The Victim doesn't say that the Perpetrator definitely intended to affect him. Yet their dance around each other is rather painful. And if each of them continues to play the same role, one mostly as a Perpetrator and other mostly as a Victim, the baggage accumulates in the Victim. And the Victim is not even consciously aware of the issue - that he is talking about being affected whole the other is talking about intent. The issue remains unresolved.

Additional Reading

1. https://vbala99.blogspot.com/2019/01/family-tv-serials.html
2. https://vbala99.blogspot.com/2019/01/rita-and-sheila.html
3. https://vbala99.blogspot.com/2016/05/aphorisms.html
4. https://vbala99.blogspot.com/2019/01/emotional-aphorisms.html

Legislative, Executive And Judiciary

I read this today:

Access to Mueller’s report and evidence may be guided by Congress, Clinton email case

https://wapo.st/2Iu3URe

Then I read about the Legislative (L), Executive (E) and Judiciary (J) here.

https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-difference-between-legislature-executive-and-judiciary This link explains the roles of the three functions: the legislative, the executive and the Judiciary in the context of a country.

Now let's consider a person instead of a country or an organization.

A person also has the three roles inside them. There is the L which consists of the rules that they espouse. The E which is the way he acts which may or may not be largely in line with the L. I am talking about a person whose rules as they profess are out of sync with their actions. 

The L could consist of rules such as "I am honest", "I like to help people", "I am courageous" etc. The E could do things which are often at variance with the professed rules. 

My question is: How does such a person manage that conflict? Is there a J that operates in that person which strives to remedy this conflict?

What will cause the J to be involved when the E and L in a person diverge? Maybe a friend points out this issue. Maybe the person realizes himself while introspecting.

If such a Judiciary were to exist in a person, it would adjudicate that conflict and decide in favor of either the Legislative or the Executive. If the E wins, then the E perhaps might let it go or might have to change its rules or laws to be more in sync with the action. If the L wins, then the E might realize that it had better follow the L better henceforth. 

If such conflicts are unresolved, in the worst case, the E and L would continue to be divergent with the person either at peace with the state of affairs or be troubled.

Considering that E, L, J are all embedded in the same person, maybe they are not strictly independent of each other. There is considerable overlap of all the three. The one that is in charge is the E. The action is not always decided based on one's rules as professed. Invoking the J is always unpleasant to the E because the trigger for that invocation is because the E has violated the E, in the first place - which itself is very difficult for a person to acknowledge. 

J is what is commonly referred to as our conscience. For some people this is strong. In such a case, the J can kill a person by constantly bullying them for having violated their own L. 

Where it's weak, a person is largely run by an E with the L serving as just a mouthpiece and the J largely absent. The absence of J leads to extraordinary (could be good or bad) behavior. In a person, a J cannot be forced to exist. At least I am not sure how. 

But in an organization or a country, a J can be inculcated. The murder of Khashoggi in Turkey by Saudis is an indication of the absence of a J or of the absence of an appropriate L. The presence of a strong E and J is indicative of a good environment.

A classic example of men's J not being at work is brought out by the author here: It’s Not That Men Don’t Know What Consent Is https://www.nytimes.com/2019/02/23/opinion/sunday/sexual-consent-college.html. The L in men understands consent from the woman is needed, the E kinda disregards it while the J just takes a nap. 

Of course women are equally at fault when they coerce men to do something (usually something other than sex, maybe related to shopping, vacations, activities for children) and there the rule of consent is not as strictly enforced. Because such violations of a non-sexual nature aren't deemed criminal or even important. Coercion (nonsexual) is more often perpetrated by feminine persons.

Muslims Under Attack

This is an excellent article.

https://www.thenews.com.pk/print/433106-pulwama-attack-aftermath-muslims-under-attack-in-indian-cities

Throughout the article there is no fact to support the assertion that Muslims are under attack because of the JeM incident in Kashmir. Except this "The shock attack has caused widespread anger across India and a violent backlash against Kashmiris elsewhere in the country."

So we assume anything said about Kashmiri refers to Muslim?

It reminded me of the way many people talk when they make a pointed statement and subsequently there is a lot of other things they say but none of which substantiates the original statement.

Does the person think that a lot of other statements would be construed as proof by the audience of the original allegation?

When one expresses a pain and points a finger at another, perhaps the pain is the proof.

Does the fact that JeM claimed responsibility mean anything to the author of the article?

Additional Reading

1. https://m.economictimes.com/news/defence/financial-action-task-force-to-be-given-dossier-to-blacklist-pakistan-for-terror-links/articleshow/68026309.cms
2. https://m.economictimes.com/news/politics-and-nation/pakistan-claims-to-fulfilling-sanctions-obligations-against-jem/articleshow/68036595.cms

What Kind Of A Person

I asked a friend: What makes a person spend his time for the benefit of someone else like Aamir Khan in Taare Zameen Par or Salman in Bajrangi Bhaijaan?

The friend replied: A person's nature, his education, genes, family, upbringing, values.

What kind of an answer is this? What kind of a person is my friend? Educated, extroverted, well read, quite knowledgeable but lacking rational thought and depth.

My friend's answer included just about every factor except perhaps height and weight.

Full KYC

Recently I found that prepaid wallets were asking for full KYC (Know Your Customer) to be completed. 

As I understand, a customer needs to complete the KYC with each of these wallets. Imagine the account of paperwork and the number of people that will handle these documents.

Instead, just like mutual funds need the KYC to be done only once, maybe the wallets could use the same KYC. Or perhaps a single Central KYC could be done for all wallets and, in future, for all instruments. 

Additional Reading

1. The Financial Express: Mandatory KYC compliance: Will small e-wallet players survive.
2. https://www.financialexpress.com/money/full-kyc-deadline-extended-paytm-amazon-pay-and-other-e-wallet-users-to-benefit/1498940/

Laziness Takes Us Places

Leading Indicators are used to get an idea of what might happen in the future. For example, air pressure may indicate something about the weather to come. The load factor in some industries may indicate the profits to come. 

Many appraisal systems place an equal emphasis on leading indicators as on Key Result Areas (KRA). KRA is / are the final attributes that the Leading Indicators result in. 

For example, high load factors result in higher profits in hotels, airlines, software industry. Profits depend also on many factors other than load factor. So now we briefly understand what a Leading indicaInd is and what a KRA is and how they are related.

As to why Leading Indicators should be used in appraisals, I have never been sure. Would we judge our law and order situation based on how well the police have computerized their systems and how many CCTV cameras they have (both are Leading Indicators)? Or do we judge based on how safe the region is and how many unsolved crimes are in the area (KRA)? Some people prefer the Leading Indicators to judge, sometimes even in place of the KRA.

This article evaluates US airports based on their KRA's. https://www.wsj.com/articles/the-best-of-the-biggest-u-s-airports-1542204004. Do check the article and see if there are leading indicators being used to evaluate an airport.

Recently, a friend of mine was complaining about her new prescription glasses. She had gotten an eye test done couple of weeks back and found that her eye power had increased. 

She told me that with her new spectacles things were still blurred. I asked her what the issue was, whether she wasn't happy with the frame. She said the frame was ok but the lens was not. The lens was thicker than those in the glasses she previously wore. 

I know her to be a queen of Leading Indicators. 

"So?" I asked her. She indicated that perhaps the lens was not of right thiickness and hence her vision was (likely to be) blurred.

Aah. The Leading Indicator had triumphed again over the actual KRA. How she determined whether her vision was blurred was not by checking whether she could or couldn't see things well. It was by looking at Leading Indicators such as how the lens was made.

Since I have seen her use Leading Indicators, not even in addition to but, often in place of KRAs I could guess what might have happened.

I had previously suspected that Leading Indicators served another purpose, a nefarious one. This was to indicate the presence of a poor condition for the KRA even if the actual value of the KRA was acceptable. 

"Since you raised your voice, you must be angry" is another example of such a (incorrect) focus on Leading Indicator. 

Usually anger is indicated by a loud voice. Though plenty of people do not raise their voice even when they are in a rage. And many people are excitable and use a loud voice when they are discussing something interesting. 

The Key Indicator focused person attributes it to the KRA. He implicitly assumes that the Leading Indicator ALWAYS leads to the KRA. If the voice is raised, then the person must be angry. If the lens is heavier than before, then her vision must be blurred. 

Maybe when a person is extremely focused on sensory information he uses these info, which he has no trouble acquiring, to avoid spending the effort to make a decision ("is he really angry, even if his voice is raised?", "Is my vision really blurred, even if my lens is thicker than before?") 

These decisions requiring S2 take too much effort and hence a lazy person takes the easier S1 way out. He goes by the raw sensory information and compares it with data and rules stored in his memory ("if someone is angry, his voice will be raised") to reach a decision. 

For an intro into S1, S2 read https://vbala99.blogspot.com/2017/10/thinking-fast-and-slow-daniel-kahnemann.html

It's one thing for a princess to toss and turn, unable to sleep and then find the cause to be a pea in her bed. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Princess_and_the_Pea)
It's quite another for a queen to detect a pea in her bed and hence conclude that she didn't sleep well.

Laziness takes us places.

House Price Vs Gold Price In India

I happened to be looking at how apartment prices have increased in the last 2 to 4 decades. 

A flat that cost about Rs 1 lac (1lac = 100,000) in 1980, cost about Rs 12 lacs in 2000 and about 90 lacs in 2019. 

The price of gold was Rs 1.3lac/kg in 1980, Rs 4.4 lac in 2000 and Rs30 lac in 2019 (from https://www.bankbazaar.com/gold-rate/gold-rate-trend-in-india.html). 

The cost of the flat works out to 0.77kg of gold in 1980, 2.73kg gold in 2000 and 3kg in 2019.

Just an interesting perspective. I was trying to extrapolate the price of a flat in 2030 or 2040. Probably about 3 to 4kg of gold at the prevailing prices then.

The house price has increased at a CAGR of 12% in the last 40 years and at 10% in the last 19 years. 

Of course, I have taken only one data point but I assume the real estate figures provided are ballpark.

Additional Reading

1. https://vbala99.blogspot.com/2018/10/reel-estate.html
2. https://vbala99.blogspot.com/2012/12/pros-and-cons-of-buying-new-vs-old-flat.html

IDMI And ITBC

I was initiated to the concept of "intention" by a friend about 20 years back. When something he did was not right, his reply would be that he didn't intend it that way. That response would leave me flummoxed. I didn't know then whether his response was appropriate, meaning relevant to my comment. But the response seemed to indicate that he wasn't at fault. And here I was left holding the baby (some thing that hadn't gone well which he was responsible for). And I had been intimated that it wasn't his fault. 

Something didn't sound right.

Fast forward 20 years. I still hear the same refrain "I didn't mean it" (IDMI) or "I didn't intend it".

IDMI is an interesting expression that addresses an issue between 2 parties. 

If you point out a problem that occurred because of what i did (or didn't) do, my IDMI essentially removes my culpability while perhaps acknowledging your predicament. It, hence, shifts the focus from a fault on my side to empathy shown by me towards you. It's likened to a scenesce where you tell me about your issue and I provide a shoulder to cry on. The IDMI changes the issue you raised against me to an issue you have that has nothing to do with me except that I am being nice enough to listen to your woes.

Wow that's a terrific change in balance of power, isn't it?

More recently I was talking to another friend of mine when I pointed out that he had not having discharged his responsibility. He told me that he had always deeply wished for it. Just that he didn't or couldn't do it (for years). 

I asked him. If he were a teacher grading a student's paper, would he give marks for correct answers or for the student's intention to write correct answers. He replied that he would give marks only for answers that were correct. Most teachers would agree with my friend.

It got me thinking. How is it that we expect a correct job while correcting an answer paper but in a social milieu we go by the intention to do the right thing? It's as though we have a dual operating system in our mind where "has to be correct" OS is switched on at certain times (example, when we are correcting a paper) while "intended to be correct" OS is switched on as in some social interactions. Read https://vbala99.blogspot.com/2019/01/rita-and-sheila.html.
Often even within the context of social interactions, we sometimes use the "has to be right" mode while evaluating whole in other cases we go by the intention. The focus on the intention is basically used as a final "correction factor" to be applied on top of the evaluation based on normally agreed formula. The correction factor gives us the leeway to change the final grades. The beauty of it is that it's completely subjective while seeming to be perfectly fair.

The switching between one "OS" to another happens seemlessly. For example, while correcting a paper, we may take a break and talk to another teacher about some incident at school or about our personal lives when the "intended to be correct (ITBC)" mode is switched on.

Once I read an article which went like this:
First there was an assertion about some behavior (I forget what exactly it was). It was followed by a declaration that the said assertion was a myth. This interested me immensely. So I read further. The author went on to explain the reason why the behavior was exhibited. 
I thought then, so there is a reason for the behavior. Did the presence of a valid reason for a particular behavior have anything to do with whether the behavior is real or a myth?
The presence of a valid reason for a behavior is taken to imply that the behavior wantwa exhibited. Hence, if I do something wrong, I need to come up with a reason for my behavior. Then I didn't do anything wrong. IDMI is a way to nullify my negative behavior.

This ITBC cannot exist where words don't exist. An animal cannot communicate the ITBC sentiment. Animals only react to what some other animal did and not to what they intended to. A peacock cannot convey to a female that he intended to show more beautiful feathers but on the way they got ruffled and hence she should give the peacock a chance to pass on his genes. Uh uh.

Prior to the time before humans learnt to talk, we would not have known the ITBC concept. We would have evaluated and been evaluated based on what we did, rather than by what we intended to do. And then, somewhere in the world, the first human being uttered those words "I didn't mean it (IDMI)". Imagine the shock of the person who heard such a thing for the first time.

Over time, we have been moulded to give importance to what was intended apart from what was done.

One doesn't need a camera to see what was done. It's hugely more difficult to see what was intended. The rational reason behind understanding why something was done (understanding behavior) was replaced or confused with something that would induce empathy.

By replacing "correct behavior" by "intended to be correct (ITBC) behavior as our yardstick we have created a kind of an "equal opportunity" institution in the social arena. 

It doesn't matter as much if I didn't do the right thing so long as I can convincingly aver that I intended to be correct. The balance of power is moving towards those who can convince better from those who do better.

This would lead to the extinction of those who can't persuade or convince better, for example the peacock mentioned earlier. Read https://vbala99.blogspot.com/2017/06/relation-between-nt-sf-natural.html

Additional Reading
http://vbala99.blogspot.com/2018/01/survival-of-fittest-non-t.html

Pride And Prejudice

The following are quotes (without permission) from Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice. As usual, the quotes are those that I find to be very interesting in terms of understanding the characters. 

I am probably reading this book for the tenth time. As in the case of Perry Mason books and the post on quotes from those books, I am interested in description of personality, that I can relate to, without reference to any specific character. I contrast this with the other option of just relating events and letting the reader determine for herself what the character is all about.

Sometimes the events in the story remind me of events I have come across in my life. Sometimes the description of characters reminds me of people that I have come across. These form the basis for picking up a quote.

[[Darcy to Bingley about Elizabeth]] I am in no humour at present to give consequence to young ladies who are slighted by other men. [[This is the kind of thought that a woman usually has. Very unusual and unlike Darcy to entertain such a thought]] 

[[Charlotte Lucas to Elizabeth about Jane (and Bingley]] "We can all begin freely—a slight preference is natural enough; but there are very few of us who have heart enough to be really in love without encouragement. In nine cases out of ten a women had better show more affection than she feels. Bingley likes your sister undoubtedly; but he may never do more than like her, if she does not help him on.""If the dispositions of the parties are ever so well known to each other or ever so similar beforehand, it does not advance their felicity in the least. They always continue to grow sufficiently unlike afterwards to have their share of vexation; and it is better to know as little as possible of the defects of the person with whom you are to pass your life." 

[[Miss Bingley to Darcy about Elizabeth]] "Nay, if you are serious about it, I shall consider the matter is absolutely settled. You will be having a charming mother-in-law, indeed; and, of course, she will always be at Pemberley with you." 

[[Mr Bennet to his youngest daughters Catherine and Lydia]] After listening one morning to their effusions on this subject, Mr. Bennet coolly observed: "From all that I can collect by your manner of talking, you must be two of the silliest girls in the country. I have suspected it some time, but I am now convinced." 

The [[Bingley]] sisters, on hearing this, repeated three or four times how much they were grieved, how shocking it was to have a bad cold, and how excessively they disliked being ill themselves; and then thought no more of the matter: and their indifference towards Jane when not immediately before them restored Elizabeth to the enjoyment of all her former dislike.
"Elizabeth Bennet," said Miss Bingley, when the door was closed on her, "is one of those young ladies who seek to recommend themselves to the other sex by undervaluing their own; and with many men, I dare say, it succeeds. But, in my opinion, it is a paltry device, a very mean art." "Undoubtedly," replied Darcy, to whom this remark was chiefly addressed, "there is a meanness in all the arts which ladies sometimes condescend to employ for captivation. Whatever bears affinity to cunning is despicable." 

[[Mrs Bennet at Mr Bingley's home]] However, he wrote some verses on her, and very pretty they were." "And so ended his affection," said Elizabeth impatiently. "There has been many a one, I fancy, overcome in the same way. I wonder who first discovered the efficacy of poetry in driving away love!" 

Elizabeth took up some needlework, and was sufficiently amused in attending to what passed between Darcy and his companion [[Miss Bingley]]. The perpetual commendations of the lady, either on his handwriting, or on the evenness of his lines, or on the length of his letter, with the perfect unconcern with which her praises were received, formed a curious dialogue, and was exactly in union with her opinion of each. 

[[Bingley to Darcy]] "And which of the two do you call my little recent piece of modesty?" [[Darcy]] "The indirect boast; for you are really proud of your defects in writing, because you consider them as proceeding from a rapidity of thought and carelessness of execution, which, if not estimable, you think at least highly interesting. The power of doing anything with quickness is always prized much by the possessor, and often without any attention to the imperfection of the performance. When you told Mrs. Bennet this morning that if you ever resolved upon quitting Netherfield you should be gone in five minutes, you meant it to be a sort of panegyric, of compliment to yourself—and yet what is there so very laudable in a precipitance which must leave very necessary business undone, and can be of no real advantage to yourself or anyone else?"
Darcy had never been so bewitched by any woman as he was by her. He really believed, that were it not for the inferiority of her connections, he should be in some danger. Miss Bingley saw, or suspected enough to be jealous; and her great anxiety for the recovery of her dear friend Jane received some assistance from her desire of getting rid of Elizabeth. She often tried to provoke Darcy into disliking her guest, by talking of their supposed marriage, and planning his happiness in such an alliance. "I hope," said she, as they were walking together in the shrubbery the next day, "you will give your mother-in-law a few hints, when this desirable event takes place, as to the advantage of holding her tongue; and if you can compass it, do cure the younger girls of running after officers. And, if I may mention so delicate a subject, endeavour to check that little something, bordering on conceit and impertinence, which your lady possesses."
"No," said Darcy, "I have made no such pretension. I have faults enough, but they are not, I hope, of understanding. My temper I dare not vouch for. It is, I believe, too little yielding—certainly too little for the convenience of the world. I cannot forget the follies and vices of others so soon as I ought, nor their offenses against myself. My feelings are not puffed about with every attempt to move them. My temper would perhaps be called resentful. My good opinion once lost, is lost forever." "That is a failing indeed!" cried Elizabeth. "Implacable resentment is a shade in a character. But you have chosen your fault well. I really cannot laugh at it. You are safe from me." [[Darcy]] "There is, I believe, in every disposition a tendency to some particular evil—a natural defect, which not even the best education can overcome." [Elizabeth]] "And your defect is to hate everybody." "And yours," he replied with a smile, "is willfully to misunderstand them."

[[Mr Collins about Miss de Bourgh]] She is unfortunately of a sickly constitution, which has prevented her from making that progress in many accomplishments which she could not have otherwise failed of, as I am informed by the lady who superintended her education, and who still resides with them. But she is perfectly amiable, and often condescends to drive by my humble abode in her little phaeton and ponies."

[[[[Mr Collins to Mr Bennet] I have more than once observed to Lady Catherine, that her charming daughter seemed born to be a duchess, and that the most elevated rank, instead of giving her consequence, would be adorned by her. These are the kind of little things which please her ladyship, and it is a sort of attention which I conceive myself peculiarly bound to pay." "You judge very properly," said Mr. Bennet, "and it is happy for you that you possess the talent of flattering with delicacy. May I ask whether these pleasing attentions proceed from the impulse of the moment, or are the result of previous study?" [[Mr Williams]] "They arise chiefly from what is passing at the time, and though I sometimes amuse myself with suggesting and arranging such little elegant compliments as may be adapted to ordinary occasions, I always wish to give them as unstudied an air as possible." Mr. Bennet's expectations were fully answered. His cousin was as absurd as he had hoped, and he listened to him with the keenest enjoyment, maintaining at the same time the most resolute composure of countenance, and, except in an occasional glance at Elizabeth, requiring no partner in his pleasure.

[[Wickham to Elizabeth]] "It is wonderful," replied Wickham, "for almost all his actions may be traced to pride; and pride had often been his best friend. It has connected him nearer with virtue than with any other feeling. But we are none of us consistent, and in his behaviour to me there were stronger impulses even than pride." [[Elizabeth]] "Can such abominable pride as his have ever done him good?" [[Wickham]] "Yes. It has often led him to be liberal and generous, to give his money freely, to display hospitality, to assist his tenants, and relieve the poor. Family pride, and filial pride—for he is very proud of what his father was—have done this. Not to appear to disgrace his family, to degenerate from the popular qualities, or lose the influence of the Pemberley House, is a powerful motive. He has also brotherly pride, which, with some brotherly affection, makes him a very kind and careful guardian of his sister, and you will hear him generally cried up as the most attentive and best of brothers."

[[Wickham to Elizabeth]] "Mr. Darcy can please where he chooses. He does not want abilities. He can be a conversible companion if he thinks it worth his while. Among those who are at all his equals in consequence, he is a very different man from what he is to the less prosperous. His pride never deserts him; but with the rich he is liberal-minded, just, sincere, rational, honourable, and perhaps agreeable—allowing something for fortune and figure."

[[Elizabeth to Jane about what she was told by Mr Wickham about Mr Darcy, the previous evening]] "I can much more easily believe Mr. Bingley's being imposed on, than that Mr. Wickham should invent such a history of himself as he gave me last night; names, facts, everything mentioned without ceremony. If it be not so, let Mr. Darcy contradict it. Besides, there was truth in his [[Wickham's]] looks."

[[About the ball Mr Bennet was planning to give in their village Netherfield] "Elizabeth thought with pleasure of dancing a great deal with Mr. Wickham, and of seeing a confirmation of everything in Mr. Darcy's look and behaviour. The happiness anticipated by Catherine and Lydia depended less on any single event, or any particular person, for though they each, like Elizabeth, meant to dance half the evening with Mr. Wickham, he was by no means the only partner who could satisfy them, and a ball was, at any rate, a ball." 

[Elizabeth for the Ball]] "She had dressed with more than usual care, and prepared in the highest spirits for the conquest of all that remained unsubdued of his [[Wickham's]] heart, trusting that it was not more than might be won in the course of the evening."

[[How soon all this would change!!]]

[[Wickham's friend Denny referring to the former's absence from the Ball]] "Denny, to whom Lydia eagerly applied, and who told them that Wickham had been obliged to go to town on business the day before, and was not yet returned; adding, with a significant smile, "I do not imagine his business would have called him away just now, if he had not wanted to avoid a certain gentleman here." This part of his intelligence, though unheard by Lydia, was caught by Elizabeth, and, as it assured her that Darcy was not less answerable for Wickham's absence than if her first surmise had been just, every feeling of displeasure against the former was so sharpened by immediate disappointment, that she could hardly reply with tolerable civility to the polite inquiries which he directly afterwards approached to make."

[[Elizabeth to Darcy while dancing]] "for I have always seen a great similarity in the turn of our minds. We are each of an unsocial, taciturn disposition, unwilling to speak, unless we expect to say something that will amaze the whole room, and be handed down to posterity with all the eclat of a proverb."

[[Elizabeth to Darcy while dancing]] "No—I cannot talk of books in a ball-room; my head is always full of something else." "The present always occupies you in such scenes—does it?" said he, with a look of doubt. "Yes, always," she replied, without knowing what she said, for her thoughts had wandered far from the subject, as soon afterwards appeared by her suddenly exclaiming, "I remember hearing you once say, Mr. Darcy, that you hardly ever forgave, that your resentment once created was unappeasable. You are very cautious, I suppose, as to its being created." "I am," said he, with a firm voice. [[Elizabeth]] "And never allow yourself to be blinded by prejudice?" [[Darcy]] "I hope not." [[Elizabeth]] "It is particularly incumbent on those who never change their opinion, to be secure of judging properly at first."

[[Elizabeth to her mother at the Ball]] "In vain did Elizabeth endeavour to check the rapidity of her mother's words, or persuade her to describe her felicity in a less audible whisper; for, to her inexpressible vexation, she could perceive that the chief of it was overheard by Mr. Darcy, who sat opposite to them. Her mother only scolded her for being nonsensical. [[Mrs Bennet]] "What is Mr. Darcy to me, pray, that I should be afraid of him? I am sure we owe him no such particular civility as to be obliged to say nothing he may not like to hear." "For heaven's sake, madam, speak lower. What advantage can it be for you to offend Mr. Darcy? You will never recommend yourself to his friend by so doing!" [[Probably this conversation led Darcy to influence Bingley to drop Jane]]

"Nothing that she [[Elizabeth to her mother]] could say, however, had any influence. Her mother would talk of her views in the same intelligible tone. Elizabeth blushed and blushed again with shame and vexation. She could not help frequently glancing her eye at Mr. Darcy, though every glance convinced her of what she dreaded; for though he was not always looking at her mother, she was convinced that his attention was invariably fixed by her. The expression of his face changed gradually from indignant contempt to a composed and steady gravity."

[[Mrs Bennet]] "Elizabeth was the least dear to her of all her children; and though the man [[Mr Collins]] and the match were quite good enough for her, the worth of each was eclipsed by Mr. Bingley and Netherfield.]]

[[After Elizabeth rejected his proposal]] "Mr. Collins, meanwhile, was meditating in solitude on what had passed. He thought too well of himself to comprehend on what motives his cousin could refuse him; and though his pride was hurt, he suffered in no other way. His regard for her was quite imaginary; and the possibility of her deserving her mother's reproach prevented his feeling any regret."

 [After Elizabeth rejected Mr Colin's proposal] Mrs. Bennet was alone, than she likewise began on the subject, calling on Miss Lucas for her compassion, and entreating her to persuade her friend Lizzy to comply with the wishes of all her family. "Pray do, my dear Miss Lucas," she added in a melancholy tone, "for nobody is on my side, nobody takes part with me. I am cruelly used, nobody feels for my poor nerves." [[Mrs Bennet's emotions decide whether things have been fair or not]]

[[Mrs Bennet after Elizabeth rejected Mr Colin's proposal] "I am sure I do not know who is to maintain you when your father is dead. I shall not be able to keep you—and so I warn you. I have done with you from this very day. I told you in the library, you know, that I should never speak to you again, and you will find me as good as my word. I have no pleasure in talking to undutiful children. Not that I have much pleasure, indeed, in talking to anybody. People who suffer as I do from nervous complaints can have no great inclination for talking. Nobody can tell what I suffer! But it is always so. Those who do not complain are never pitied." [[Need for pity and decrease of denominator]] 

[[Charlotte Lucas informing Elizabeth that the former had accepted Mr Collin's proposal]] "But when you have had time to think it over, I hope you will be satisfied with what I have done. I am not romantic, you know; I never was. I ask only a comfortable home; and considering Mr. Collins's character, connection, and situation in life, I am convinced that my chance of happiness with him is as fair as most people can boast on entering the marriage state." Elizabeth quietly answered "Undoubtedly;" and after an awkward pause, they returned to the rest of the family. Charlotte did not stay much longer, and Elizabeth was then left to reflect on what she had heard. It was a long time before she became at all reconciled to the idea of so unsuitable a match. The strangeness of Mr. Collins's making two offers of marriage within three days was nothing in comparison of his being now accepted. She had always felt that Charlotte's opinion of matrimony was not exactly like her own, but she had not supposed it to be possible that, when called into action, she would have sacrificed every better feeling to worldly advantage. Charlotte the wife of Mr. Collins was a most humiliating picture! And to the pang of a friend disgracing herself and sunk in her esteem, was added the distressing conviction that it was impossible for that friend to be tolerably happy in the lot she had chosen."

[[Elizabeth to Jane]] "There are few people whom I really love, and still fewer of whom I think well. The more I see of the world, the more am I dissatisfied with it; and every day confirms my belief of the inconsistency of all human characters, and of the little dependence that can be placed on the appearance of merit or sense. I have met with two instances lately, one I will not mention; the other is Charlotte's marriage. It is unaccountable! In every view it is unaccountable!"... ""To oblige you, I would try to believe almost anything, but no one else could be benefited by such a belief as this; for were I persuaded that Charlotte had any regard for him, I should only think worse of her understanding than I now do of her heart. My dear Jane, Mr. Collins is a conceited, pompous, narrow-minded, silly man; you know he is, as well as I do; and you must feel, as well as I do, that the woman who married him cannot have a proper way of thinking. You shall not defend her, though it is Charlotte Lucas. You shall not, for the sake of one individual, change the meaning of principle and integrity, nor endeavour to persuade yourself or me, that selfishness is prudence, and insensibility of danger security for happiness."

[[Jane to Elizabeth]] "We must not expect a lively young man [[like Mr Bingley]] to be always so guarded and circumspect. It is very often nothing but our own vanity that deceives us. Women fancy admiration means more than it does." [[Elizabeth]] "And men take care that they should."

[[Jane]] Miss Bennet was the only creature who could suppose there might be any extenuating circumstances in the case, unknown to the society of Hertfordshire; her mild and steady candour always pleaded for allowances, and urged the possibility of mistakes—but by everybody else Mr. Darcy was condemned as the worst of men.

[[Elizabeth about Mr Wickham]] "Her heart had been but slightly touched, and her vanity was satisfied with believing that she would have been his only choice, had fortune permitted it. The sudden acquisition of ten thousand pounds was the most remarkable charm of the young lady to whom he was now rendering himself agreeable; but Elizabeth, less clear-sighted perhaps in this case than in Charlotte's, did not quarrel with him for his wish of independence. Nothing, on the contrary, could be more natural; and while able to suppose that it cost him a few struggles to relinquish her, she was ready to allow it a wise and desirable measure for both, and could very sincerely wish him happy."

"When Mr. Collins could be forgotten, there was really an air of great comfort throughout [[Collinses house]], and by Charlotte's evident enjoyment of it, Elizabeth supposed he must be often forgotten."

"I like her [[Miss de Bourgh's]] appearance," said Elizabeth, struck with other ideas. "She looks sickly and cross. Yes, she will do for him very well. She will make him [[Darcy]] a very proper wife." [[Quite a nasty thought]]

"I am the less surprised at what has happened," replied Sir William, "from that knowledge of what the manners of the great really are, which my situation in life has allowed me to acquire. About the court, such instances of elegant breeding are not uncommon." [[Keywords]]

[[Lady Catherine de Bourgh to Elizabeth]] "All! What, all five out at once? Very odd! And you only the second. The younger ones out before the elder ones are married! Your younger sisters must be very young?"

[[Elizabeth]] "Yes, my youngest is not sixteen. Perhaps she is full young to be much in company. But really, ma'am, I think it would be very hard upon younger sisters, that they should not have their share of society and amusement, because the elder may not have the means or inclination to marry early. The last-born has as good a right to the pleasures of youth at the first. And to be kept back on such a motive! I think it would not be very likely to promote sisterly affection or delicacy of mind." "Upon my word," said her ladyship, "you give your opinion very decidedly for so young a person. Pray, what is your age?" [[Elizabeth]] "With three younger sisters grown up," replied Elizabeth, smiling, "your ladyship can hardly expect me to own it."

[[Lady Catherine de Bourgh to Colonel Fitzwilliam]] "What is that you are saying, Fitzwilliam? What is it you are talking of? What are you telling Miss Bennet? Let me hear what it is." "We are speaking of music, madam," said he, when no longer able to avoid a reply. [[Lady Catherine]] "Of music! Then pray speak aloud. It is of all subjects my delight. I must have my share in the conversation if you are speaking of music. There are few people in England, I suppose, who have more true enjoyment of music than myself, or a better natural taste. If I had ever learnt, I should have been a great proficient. And so would Anne, if her health had allowed her to apply. I am confident that she would have performed delightfully." [[Denominator decrease and running commercials]]

[[Lady Catherine to Darcy]] "I have told Miss Bennet several times, that she will never play really well unless she practises more; and though Mrs. Collins has no instrument, she is very welcome, as I have often told her, to come to Rosings every day, and play on the pianoforte in Mrs. Jenkinson's room. She would be in nobody's way, you know, in that part of the house." Mr. Darcy looked a little ashamed of his aunt's ill-breeding, and made no answer.

[[Darcy to Elizabeth]] "I shall not say you are mistaken," he replied, "because you could not really believe me to entertain any design of alarming you; and I have had the pleasure of your acquaintance long enough to know that you find great enjoyment in occasionally professing opinions which in fact are not your own." 

[[Elizabeth to Darcy indirectly through Colonel Fitzwilliam]] "Perhaps," said Darcy, "I should have judged better, had I sought an introduction; but I am ill-qualified to recommend myself to strangers." 

"Shall we ask your cousin the reason of this?" said Elizabeth, still addressing Colonel Fitzwilliam. "Shall we ask him why a man of sense and education, and who has lived in the world, is ill qualified to recommend himself to strangers?" 

"I can answer your question," said Fitzwilliam, "without applying to him. It is because he will not give himself the trouble." "I certainly have not the talent which some people possess," said Darcy, "of conversing easily with those I have never seen before. I cannot catch their tone of conversation, or appear interested in their concerns, as I often see done."

 "My fingers," said Elizabeth, "do not move over this instrument in the masterly manner which I see so many women's do. They have not the same force or rapidity, and do not produce the same expression. But then I have always supposed it to be my own fault—because I will not take the trouble of practising. It is not that I do not believe my fingers as capable as any other woman's of superior execution."

Darcy smiled and said, "You are perfectly right. You have employed your time much better. No one admitted to the privilege of hearing you can think anything wanting. We neither of us perform to strangers."

Elizabeth immediately began playing again. Lady Catherine approached, and, after listening for a few minutes, said to Darcy:

 "Miss Bennet would not play at all amiss if she practised more, and could have the advantage of a London master. She has a very good notion of fingering, though her taste is not equal to Anne's. Anne would have been a delightful performer, had her health allowed her to learn." [[Didn't know Denominator decrease was active 200 years back. But then why shouldn't it? ]] 

[[Elizabeth thinking about why Darcy would have steered Bingley away from Jane]] "There were some very strong objections against the lady," were Colonel Fitzwilliam's words; and those strong objections probably were, her having one uncle who was a country attorney, and another who was in business in London.

"To Jane herself," she exclaimed, "there could be no possibility of objection; all loveliness and goodness as she is!—her understanding excellent, her mind improved, and her manners captivating. Neither could anything be urged against my father, who, though with some peculiarities, has abilities Mr. Darcy himself need not disdain, and respectability which he will probably never reach." When she thought of her mother, her confidence gave way a little; but she would not allow that any objections there had material weight with Mr. Darcy, whose pride, she was convinced, would receive a deeper wound from the want of importance in his friend's connections, [[How wring Elizabeth was!!]] than from their want of sense; and she was quite decided, at last, that he had been partly governed by this worst kind of pride, and partly by the wish of retaining Mr. Bingley for his sister.

[[At Rosings. Darcy to Elizabeth]] "She saw Mr. Darcy walk into the room. In an hurried manner he immediately began an inquiry after her health, imputing his visit to a wish of hearing that she were better. She answered him with cold civility. He sat down for a few moments, and then getting up, walked about the room. Elizabeth was surprised, but said not a word. After a silence of several minutes, he came towards her in an agitated manner, and thus began:

"In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you." [[This somehow reminds me of what one of the heroes says in Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged]]

[[Darcy to Elizabeth after his proposal to her was rejected and after she explained about his action in causing the separation of Jane and Bingley and after explaining what Darcy did to Wickham]] "But perhaps," added he, stopping in his walk, and turning towards her, "these offenses might have been overlooked, had not your pride been hurt by my honest confession of the scruples that had long prevented my forming any serious design. These bitter accusations might have been suppressed, had I, with greater policy, concealed my struggles, and flattered you into the belief of my being impelled by unqualified, unalloyed inclination; by reason, by reflection, by everything. But disguise of every sort is my abhorrence. Nor am I ashamed of the feelings I related. They were natural and just. Could you expect me to rejoice in the inferiority of your connections?—to congratulate myself on the hope of relations, whose condition in life is so decidedly beneath my own?"

[[Elizabeth to Darcy]] She saw him start at this, but he said nothing, and she continued: "You could not have made the offer of your hand in any possible way that would have tempted me to accept it."

Again his astonishment was obvious; and he looked at her with an expression of mingled incredulity and mortification. She went on:

"From the very beginning—from the first moment, I may almost say—of my acquaintance with you, your manners, impressing me with the fullest belief of your arrogance, your conceit, and your selfish disdain of the feelings of others, were such as to form the groundwork of disapprobation on which succeeding events have built so immovable a dislike; and I had not known you a month before I felt that you were the last man in the world whom I could ever be prevailed on to marry." 

[[Elizabeth after Darcy left having been rejected by her unceremoniously]] But his pride, his abominable pride—his shameless avowal of what he had done with respect to Jane—his unpardonable assurance in acknowledging, though he could not justify it, and the unfeeling manner in which he had mentioned Mr. Wickham, his cruelty towards whom he had not attempted to deny, soon overcame the pity which the consideration of his attachment had for a moment excited. She continued in very agitated reflections till the sound of Lady Catherine's carriage made her feel how unequal she was to encounter Charlotte's observation, and hurried her away to her room.

[[Elizabeth introspecting about many things including Wickham after reading Darcy's letter to her explaining his point of view. This is a long quote and a very interesting one. Before reading Darcy's letter she had a good opinion of Wickham and a poor opinion of Darcy. The introspection changes this completely. Makes me wonder how much time Jane Austen would have taken to contemplate and pen this passage below. This and the conversation that she has with Lady Catherine, towards the end when the latter visits the former's house, are compelling]] "The extravagance and general profligacy which he scrupled not to lay at Mr. Wickham's charge, exceedingly shocked her; the more so, as she could bring no proof of its injustice. She had never heard of him before his entrance into the ——shire Militia, in which he had engaged at the persuasion of the young man who, on meeting him accidentally in town, had there renewed a slight acquaintance. Of his former way of life nothing had been known in Hertfordshire but what he told himself. As to his real character, had information been in her power, she had never felt a wish of inquiring. His countenance, voice, and manner had established him at once in the possession of every virtue. She tried to recollect some instance of goodness, some distinguished trait of integrity or benevolence, that might rescue him from the attacks of Mr. Darcy; or at least, by the predominance of virtue, atone for those casual errors under which she would endeavour to class what Mr. Darcy had described as the idleness and vice of many years' continuance. But no such recollection befriended her. She could see him instantly before her, in every charm of air and address; but she could remember no more substantial good than the general approbation of the neighbourhood, and the regard which his social powers had gained him in the mess. After pausing on this point a considerable while, she once more continued to read. But, alas! the story which followed, of his designs on Miss Darcy, received some confirmation from what had passed between Colonel Fitzwilliam and herself only the morning before; and at last she was referred for the truth of every particular to Colonel Fitzwilliam himself—from whom she had previously received the information of his near concern in all his cousin's affairs, and whose character she had no reason to question. At one time she had almost resolved on applying to him, but the idea was checked by the awkwardness of the application, and at length wholly banished by the conviction that Mr. Darcy would never have hazarded such a proposal, if he had not been well assured of his cousin's corroboration.

 She perfectly remembered everything that had passed in conversation between Wickham and herself, in their first evening at Mr. Phillips's. Many of his expressions were still fresh in her memory. She was now struck with the impropriety of such communications to a stranger, and wondered it had escaped her before. She saw the indelicacy of putting himself forward as he had done, and the inconsistency of his professions with his conduct. She remembered that he had boasted of having no fear of seeing Mr. Darcy—that Mr. Darcy might leave the country, but that he should stand his ground; yet he had avoided the Netherfield ball the very next week. She remembered also that, till the Netherfield family had quitted the country, he had told his story to no one but herself; but that after their removal it had been everywhere discussed; that he had then no reserves, no scruples in sinking Mr. Darcy's character, though he had assured her that respect for the father would always prevent his exposing the son.

How differently did everything now appear in which he was concerned! His attentions to Miss King were now the consequence of views solely and hatefully mercenary; and the mediocrity of her fortune proved no longer the moderation of his wishes, but his eagerness to grasp at anything. His behaviour to herself could now have had no tolerable motive; he had either been deceived with regard to her fortune, or had been gratifying his vanity by encouraging the preference which she believed she had most incautiously shown. Every lingering struggle in his favour grew fainter and fainter; and in farther justification of Mr. Darcy, she could not but allow that Mr. Bingley, when questioned by Jane, had long ago asserted his blamelessness in the affair; that proud and repulsive as were his manners, she had never, in the whole course of their acquaintance—an acquaintance which had latterly brought them much together, and given her a sort of intimacy with his ways—seen anything that betrayed him to be unprincipled or unjust—anything that spoke him of irreligious or immoral habits; that among his own connections he was esteemed and valued—that even Wickham had allowed him merit as a brother, and that she had often heard him speak so affectionately of his sister as to prove him capable of some amiable feeling; that had his actions been what Mr. Wickham represented them, so gross a violation of everything right could hardly have been concealed from the world; and that friendship between a person capable of it, and such an amiable man as Mr. Bingley, was incomprehensible.

She grew absolutely ashamed of herself. Of neither Darcy nor Wickham could she think without feeling she had been blind, partial, prejudiced, absurd.

"How despicably I have acted!" she cried; "I, who have prided myself on my discernment! I, who have valued myself on my abilities! who have often disdained the generous candour of my sister, and gratified my vanity in useless or blameable mistrust! How humiliating is this discovery! Yet, how just a humiliation! Had I been in love, I could not have been more wretchedly blind! But vanity, not love, has been my folly. Pleased with the preference of one, and offended by the neglect of the other, on the very beginning of our acquaintance, I have courted prepossession and ignorance, and driven reason away, where either were concerned. Till this moment I never knew myself."

From herself to Jane—from Jane to Bingley, her thoughts were in a line which soon brought to her recollection that Mr. Darcy's explanation there had appeared very insufficient, and she read it again. Widely different was the effect of a second perusal. How could she deny that credit to his assertions in one instance, which she had been obliged to give in the other? He declared himself to be totally unsuspicious of her sister's attachment; and she could not help remembering what Charlotte's opinion had always been. Neither could she deny the justice of his description of Jane. She felt that Jane's feelings, though fervent, were little displayed, and that there was a constant complacency in her air and manner not often united with great sensibility.

 When she came to that part of the letter in which her family were mentioned in terms of such mortifying, yet merited reproach, her sense of shame was severe. The justice of the charge struck her too forcibly for denial, and the circumstances to which he particularly alluded as having passed at the Netherfield ball, and as confirming all his first disapprobation, could not have made a stronger impression on his mind than on hers.

 The compliment to herself and her sister was not unfelt. It soothed, but it could not console her for the contempt which had thus been self-attracted by the rest of her family; and as she considered that Jane's disappointment had in fact been the work of her nearest relations, and reflected how materially the credit of both must be hurt by such impropriety of conduct, she felt depressed beyond anything she had ever known before. 

[[One wonders how such introspection is possible. It's so beautiful it creates a lump.]]

[[Lady Catherine to her guests, the Lucases and Elizabeth about the departure of Darcy and Fitzwilliam]] Their first subject was the diminution of the Rosings party. "I assure you, I feel it exceedingly," said Lady Catherine; "I believe no one feels the loss of friends so much as I do."

[[Elizabeth]] Mr. Darcy's letter she was in a fair way of soon knowing by heart. She studied every sentence; and her feelings towards its writer were at times widely different. When she remembered the style of his address, she was still full of indignation; but when she considered how unjustly she had condemned and upbraided him, her anger was turned against herself; and his disappointed feelings became the object of compassion. His attachment excited gratitude, his general character respect; but she could not approve him; nor could she for a moment repent her refusal, or feel the slightest inclination ever to see him again. In her own past behaviour, there was a constant source of vexation and regret; and in the unhappy defects of her family, a subject of yet heavier chagrin. They were hopeless of remedy. Her father, contented with laughing at them, would never exert himself to restrain the wild giddiness of his youngest daughters; and her mother, with manners so far from right herself, was entirely insensible of the evil. Elizabeth had frequently united with Jane in an endeavour to check the imprudence of Catherine and Lydia; but while they were supported by their mother's indulgence, what chance could there be of improvement? Catherine, weak-spirited, irritable, and completely under Lydia's guidance, had been always affronted by their advice; and Lydia, self-willed and careless, would scarcely give them a hearing. They were ignorant, idle, and vain.

[[Jane to Elizabeth about Darcy and Wickham]] "How unfortunate that you should have used such very strong expressions in speaking of Wickham to Mr. Darcy, for now they do appear wholly undeserved."

 [[Elizabeth]] "Certainly. But the misfortune of speaking with bitterness is a most natural consequence of the prejudices I had been encouraging. There is one point on which I want your advice. I want to be told whether I ought, or ought not, to make our acquaintances in general understand Wickham's character."

 Miss Bennet paused a little, and then replied, "Surely there can be no occasion for exposing him so dreadfully.

The tumult of Elizabeth's mind was allayed by this conversation [[with Jane about Darcy's proposal and his description of events concerning Wickham]]. She had got rid of two of the secrets which had weighed on her for a fortnight, and was certain of a willing listener in Jane, whenever she might wish to talk again of either. But there was still something lurking behind, of which prudence forbade the disclosure. She dared not relate the other half of Mr. Darcy's letter, nor explain to her sister how sincerely she had been valued by her friend. Here was knowledge in which no one could partake; and she was sensible that nothing less than a perfect understanding between the parties could justify her in throwing off this last encumbrance of mystery. "And then," said she, "if that very improbable event should ever take place, I shall merely be able to tell what Bingley may tell in a much more agreeable manner himself. The liberty of communication cannot be mine till it has lost all its value!"

[[Mrs Bennet to Elizabeth whether the Collins discussed the entailing of the Bennet estate]] "I make no doubt they often talk of it between themselves. Well, if they can be easy with an estate that is not lawfully their own, so much the better. I should be ashamed of having one that was only entailed on me."

[[Elizabeth and her father about Lydia being invited by Mrs Forster to Brighton where the regiment was going to be]] she could not help secretly advising her father not to let her go. She represented to him all the improprieties of Lydia's general behaviour, the little advantage she could derive from the friendship of such a woman as Mrs. Forster, and the probability of her being yet more imprudent with such a companion at Brighton, where the temptations must be greater than at home. He heard her attentively, and then said:

"Lydia will never be easy until she has exposed herself in some public place or other, and we can never expect her to do it with so little expense or inconvenience to her family as under the present circumstances."

[[Elizabeth]]"Indeed you are mistaken. I have no such injuries to resent. It is not of particular, but of general evils, which I am now complaining. Our importance, our respectability in the world must be affected by the wild volatility, the assurance and disdain of all restraint which mark Lydia's character. Excuse me, for I must speak plainly. If you, my dear father, will not take the trouble of checking her exuberant spirits, and of teaching her that her present pursuits are not to be the business of her life, she will soon be beyond the reach of amendment. Her character will be fixed, and she will, at sixteen, be the most determined flirt that ever made herself or her family ridiculous; a flirt, too, in the worst and meanest degree of flirtation; without any attraction beyond youth and a tolerable person; and, from the ignorance and emptiness of her mind, wholly unable to ward off any portion of that universal contempt which her rage for admiration will excite. In this danger Kitty also is comprehended. She will follow wherever Lydia leads. Vain, ignorant, idle, and absolutely uncontrolled! Oh! my dear father, can you suppose it possible that they will not be censured and despised wherever they are known, and that their sisters will not be often involved in the disgrace?"

[[Mr Bennet]] "Do not make yourself uneasy, my love. Wherever you and Jane are known you must be respected and valued; and you will not appear to less advantage for having a couple of—or I may say, three—very silly sisters. We shall have no peace at Longbourn if Lydia does not go to Brighton. Let her go, then. Colonel Forster is a sensible man, and will keep her out of any real mischief; and she is luckily too poor to be an object of prey to anybody. At Brighton she will be of less importance even as a common flirt than she has been here. The officers will find women better worth their notice. Let us hope, therefore, that her being there may teach her her own insignificance. At any rate, she cannot grow many degrees worse, without authorising us to lock her up for the rest of her life."

[[The father was an observer of all that happened and didn't think much of restraining the behavior of his daughters and his wife. Should one find fault with it? Could he have done anything better?]]

[[Elizabeth to Wickham about Darcy]] "When I said that he improved on acquaintance, I did not mean that his mind or his manners were in a state of improvement, but that, from knowing him better, his disposition was better understood." [[If on knowing people better, their dispositions are better understood, then our understanding of anyone's disposition is merely temporary to be replaced or substantiated soon with an improvement one.]]

[[Wickham replies to Elizabeth]] "You, who so well know my feeling towards Mr. Darcy, will readily comprehend how sincerely I must rejoice that he is wise enough to assume even the appearance of what is right. His pride, in that direction, may be of service, if not to himself, to many others, for it must only deter him from such foul misconduct as I have suffered by. I only fear that the sort of cautiousness to which you, I imagine, have been alluding, is merely adopted on his visits to his aunt, of whose good opinion and judgement he stands much in awe. His fear of her has always operated, I know, when they were together; and a good deal is to be imputed to his wish of forwarding the match with Miss de Bourgh, which I am certain he has very much at heart."

 Elizabeth could not repress a smile at this [[she had been proposed to by Darcy]], but she answered only by a slight inclination of the head. She saw that he wanted to engage her on the old subject of his grievances, and she was in no humour to indulge him. The rest of the evening passed with the appearance, on his side, of usual cheerfulness, but with no further attempt to distinguish Elizabeth; and they parted at last with mutual civility, and possibly a mutual desire of never meeting again. [[It's a mystery to me as to why Wickham chose to air his grievance to Elizabeth about Darcy once again. Especially since she seemed to now feel more positively about Darcy.]]
Had Elizabeth's opinion been all drawn from her own family, she could not have formed a very pleasing opinion of conjugal felicity or domestic comfort. Her father, captivated by youth and beauty, and that appearance of good humour which youth and beauty generally give, had married a woman whose weak understanding and illiberal mind had very early in their marriage put an end to all real affection for her. Respect, esteem, and confidence had vanished for ever; and all his views of domestic happiness were overthrown. But Mr. Bennet was not of a disposition to seek comfort for the disappointment which his own imprudence had brought on, in any of those pleasures which too often console the unfortunate for their folly or their vice. He was fond of the country and of books; and from these tastes had arisen his principal enjoyments. To his wife he was very little otherwise indebted, than as her ignorance and folly had contributed to his amusement. This is not the sort of happiness which a man would in general wish to owe to his wife; but where other powers of entertainment are wanting, the true philosopher will derive benefit from such as are given. Elizabeth, however, had never been blind to the impropriety of her father's behaviour as a husband. She had always seen it with pain; but respecting his abilities, and grateful for his affectionate treatment of herself, she endeavoured to forget what she could not overlook, and to banish from her thoughts that continual breach of conjugal obligation and decorum which, in exposing his wife to the contempt of her own children, was so highly reprehensible. But she had never felt so strongly as now the disadvantages which must attend the children of so unsuitable a marriage, nor ever been so fully aware of the evils arising from so ill-judged a direction of talents; talents, which, rightly used, might at least have preserved the respectability of his daughters, even if incapable of enlarging the mind of his wife. [[How old was the author when she wrote this? 40 and above? It was published in 1813 and she was born in 1775. About 37 years old when she wrote it. Precocious. She died at the age of 42.]]
[[Mr Darcy's housekeeper at Pemberley, Mrs Reynolds to the Gardiners and Elizabeth about Darcy]] "Yes, sir, I know I am. If I were to go through the world, I could not meet with a better. But I have always observed, that they who are good-natured when children, are good-natured when they grow up; and he was always the sweetest-tempered, most generous-hearted boy in the world."
[[Darcy to Elizabeth at his own house at Pemberley]] "There is also one other person in the party," he continued after a pause, "who more particularly wishes to be known to you. Will you allow me, or do I ask too much, to introduce my sister to your acquaintance during your stay at Lambton?"The surprise of such an application was great indeed; it was too great for her to know in what manner she acceded to it. She immediately felt that whatever desire Miss Darcy might have of being acquainted with her must be the work of her brother, and, without looking farther, it was satisfactory; it was gratifying to know that his resentment had not made him think really ill of her.His wish of introducing his sister to her was a compliment of the highest kind.
[[Mr Gardiner to his wife and Elizabeth about Darcy]] "But perhaps he may be a little whimsical in his civilities," replied her uncle. "Your great men often are; and therefore I shall not take him at his word, as he might change his mind another day, and warn me off his grounds [[and rescind the permission given to Mr Gardiner to fish]]."Elizabeth felt that they had entirely misunderstood his character, but said nothing.
[[Elizabeth about Bingley at Pemberley]] In seeing Bingley, her thoughts naturally flew to her sister; and, oh! how ardently did she long to know whether any of his were directed in a like manner. Sometimes she could fancy that he talked less than on former occasions, and once or twice pleased herself with the notion that, as he looked at her, he was trying to trace a resemblance. 

[[Lady Catherine de Bourgh to Elizabeth at the Bennet home: the highlight of the story]] "Miss Bennet," replied her ladyship, in an angry tone, "you ought to know, that I am not to be trifled with. But however insincere you may choose to be, you shall not find me so. My character has ever been celebrated for its sincerity and frankness, and in a cause of such moment as this, I shall certainly not depart from it. A report of a most alarming nature reached me two days ago. I was told that not only your sister was on the point of being most advantageously married, but that you, that Miss Elizabeth Bennet, would, in all likelihood, be soon afterwards united to my nephew, my own nephew, Mr. Darcy. Though I know it must be a scandalous falsehood, though I would not injure him so much as to suppose the truth of it possible, I instantly resolved on setting off for this place, that I might make my sentiments known to you."

"If you believed it impossible to be true," said Elizabeth, colouring with astonishment and disdain, "I wonder you took the trouble of coming so far. What could your ladyship propose by it?"

[[Lady Catherine]] "At once to insist upon having such a report universally contradicted."

 "Your coming to Longbourn, to see me and my family," said Elizabeth coolly, "will be rather a confirmation of it; if, indeed, such a report is in existence."

[[Lady Catherine]] "If! Do you then pretend to be ignorant of it? Has it not been industriously circulated by yourselves? Do you not know that such a report is spread abroad?"

 "I never heard that it was."

 [[Lady Catherine]] "And can you likewise declare, that there is no foundation for it?"

 "I do not pretend to possess equal frankness with your ladyship. You may ask questions which I shall not choose to answer."

"This is not to be borne. Miss Bennet, I insist on being satisfied. Has he, has my nephew, made you an offer of marriage?" "Your ladyship has declared it to be impossible." [[Lady Catherine]] "It ought to be so; it must be so, while he retains the use of his reason. But your arts and allurements may, in a moment of infatuation, have made him forget what he owes to himself and to all his family. You may have drawn him in." "If I have, I shall be the last person to confess it." "Miss Bennet, do you know who I am? I have not been accustomed to such language as this. I am almost the nearest relation he has in the world, and am entitled to know all his dearest concerns." "But you are not entitled to know mine; nor will such behaviour as this, ever induce me to be explicit." [[Lady Catherine]] ""Let me be rightly understood. This match, to which you have the presumption to aspire, can never take place. No, never. Mr. Darcy is engaged to my daughter. Now what have you to say?""Only this; that if he is so, you can have no reason to suppose he will make an offer to me."Lady Catherine hesitated for a moment, and then replied:"The engagement between them is of a peculiar kind. From their infancy, they have been intended for each other. It was the favourite wish of his mother, as well as of hers. While in their cradles, we planned the union: and now, at the moment when the wishes of both sisters would be accomplished in their marriage, to be prevented by a young woman of inferior birth, of no importance in the world, and wholly unallied to the family! Do you pay no regard to the wishes of his friends? To his tacit engagement with Miss de Bourgh? Are you lost to every feeling of propriety and delicacy? Have you not heard me say that from his earliest hours he was destined for his cousin?" "Yes, and I had heard it before. But what is that to me? If there is no other objection to my marrying your nephew, I shall certainly not be kept from it by knowing that his mother and aunt wished him to marry Miss de Bourgh. You both did as much as you could in planning the marriage. Its completion depended on others. If Mr. Darcy is neither by honour nor inclination confined to his cousin, why is not he to make another choice? And if I am that choice, why may not I accept him?" [[Lady Catherine]] "Because honour, decorum, prudence, nay, interest, forbid it. Yes, Miss Bennet, interest; for do not expect to be noticed by his family or friends, if you wilfully act against the inclinations of all. You will be censured, slighted, and despised, by everyone connected with him. Your alliance will be a disgrace; your name will never even be mentioned by any of us.""These are heavy misfortunes," replied Elizabeth. "But the wife of Mr. Darcy must have such extraordinary sources of happiness necessarily attached to her situation, that she could, upon the whole, have no cause to repine."[[Lady Catherine]] "Obstinate, headstrong girl! I am ashamed of you! Is this your gratitude for my attentions to you last spring? Is nothing due to me on that score? Let us sit down. You are to understand, Miss Bennet, that I came here with the determined resolution of carrying my purpose; nor will I be dissuaded from it. I have not been used to submit to any person's whims. I have not been in the habit of brooking disappointment.""That will make your ladyship's situation at present more pitiable; but it will have no effect on me."[[Lady Catherine]] "I will not be interrupted. Hear me in silence. My daughter and my nephew are formed for each other. They are descended, on the maternal side, from the same noble line; and, on the father's, from respectable, honourable, and ancient—though untitled—families. Their fortune on both sides is splendid. They are destined for each other by the voice of every member of their respective houses; and what is to divide them? The upstart pretensions of a young woman without family, connections, or fortune. Is this to be endured! But it must not, shall not be. If you were sensible of your own good, you would not wish to quit the sphere in which you have been brought up.""In marrying your nephew, I should not consider myself as quitting that sphere. He is a gentleman; I am a gentleman's daughter; so far we are equal."[[Lady Catherine]] "True. You are a gentleman's daughter. But who was your mother? Who are your uncles and aunts? Do not imagine me ignorant of their condition.""Whatever my connections may be," said Elizabeth, "if your nephew does not object to them, they can be nothing to you."[[Lady Catherine]] "Tell me once for all, are you engaged to him?"Though Elizabeth would not, for the mere purpose of obliging Lady Catherine, have answered this question, she could not but say, after a moment's deliberation: "I am not."Lady Catherine seemed pleased."And will you promise me, never to enter into such an engagement?""I will make no promise of the kind."[[Lady Elizabeth]] "Miss Bennet I am shocked and astonished. I expected to find a more reasonable young woman. But do not deceive yourself into a belief that I will ever recede. I shall not go away till you have given me the assurance I require." "And I certainly never shall give it. I am not to be intimidated into anything so wholly unreasonable. Your ladyship wants Mr. Darcy to marry your daughter; but would my giving you the wished-for promise make their marriage at all more probable? Supposing him to be attached to me, would my refusing to accept his hand make him wish to bestow it on his cousin? Allow me to say, Lady Catherine, that the arguments with which you have supported this extraordinary application have been as frivolous as the application was ill-judged. You have widely mistaken my character, if you think I can be worked on by such persuasions as these. How far your nephew might approve of your interference in his affairs, I cannot tell; but you have certainly no right to concern yourself in mine. I must beg, therefore, to be importuned no farther on the subject."[[Lady Elizabeth]] "Not so hasty, if you please. I have by no means done. To all the objections I have already urged, I have still another to add. I am no stranger to the particulars of your youngest sister's infamous elopement. I know it all; that the young man's marrying her was a patched-up business, at the expence of your father and uncles. And is such a girl to be my nephew's sister? Is her husband, is the son of his late father's steward, to be his brother? Heaven and earth!—of what are you thinking? Are the shades of Pemberley to be thus polluted?""You can now have nothing further to say," she resentfully answered. "You have insulted me in every possible method. I must beg to return to the house." And she rose as she spoke. Lady Catherine rose also, and they turned back. Her ladyship was highly incensed.[[Lady Catherine]]"You have no regard, then, for the honour and credit of my nephew! Unfeeling, selfish girl! Do you not consider that a connection with you must disgrace him in the eyes of everybody?""Lady Catherine, I have nothing further to say. You know my sentiments."[[Lady Catherine]] "You are then resolved to have him?""I have said no such thing. I am only resolved to act in that manner, which will, in my own opinion, constitute my happiness, without reference to you, or to any person so wholly unconnected with me."[[Lady Catherine]] "It is well. You refuse, then, to oblige me. You refuse to obey the claims of duty, honour, and gratitude. You are determined to ruin him in the opinion of all his friends, and make him the contempt of the world." "Neither duty, nor honour, nor gratitude," replied Elizabeth, "have any possible claim on me, in the present instance. No principle of either would be violated by my marriage with Mr. Darcy. And with regard to the resentment of his family, or the indignation of the world, if the former were excited by his marrying me, it would not give me one moment's concern—and the world in general would have too much sense to join in the scorn."[[Lady Catherine]] "And this is your real opinion! This is your final resolve! Very well. I shall now know how to act. Do not imagine, Miss Bennet, that your ambition will ever be gratified. I came to try you. I hoped to find you reasonable; but, depend upon it, I will carry my point." In this manner Lady Catherine talked on, till they were at the door of the carriage, when, turning hastily round, she added, "I take no leave of you, Miss Bennet. I send no compliments to your mother. You deserve no such attention. I am most seriously displeased."

Additional Reading
https://vbala99.blogspot.com/2011/11/why-did-elizabeth-love-darcy.html