I Can't Understand What's Happening

Life has been strange recently. 

Couple of days back I had gone to the station to pick up my mother. She saw me and beckoned to me. I went to her. And then she told me she had mistaken me for a porter, this being a reflection of the dress I was wearing. 

I didn't mind it. This wasn't a big deal. I am not particular about my dress. And I haven't gone to a shop to buy a shirt or a pair of trousers in many years.

Things started to go downhill recently.

My niece came home today. Whenever she comes, her cousin also drops in. The two are inseparable.

The quality of discussion at home, which was never high in the first place, has dropped many notches. There is constant chatter about who has acted in which movie, who is getting married / separated and which shop has the best bargains (40% or more or less), where you get nice shoes and so on.

Today, my niece showed me two saris and a blouse and asked me which sari matched (in color, you dumbos) the blouse closer. She and my mother had had a disagreement and they wanted me to settle the matter, me being the man of the house.

I know, I could have handled the question better and pointed to any one of the saris. It wouldn't have mattered which sari I chose. No one takes a man's opinion in these matter seriously anyway. I am reminded of the scene in the movie Mummy where the heroine Rachel Weisz wakes up and finds herself lying on her back with her hands tied, a mouse slowly walking across her belly. That's more or less how I felt. I was minding my own business, reading something when this question (which sari/blouse matched better) was thrown at me and two women looked at me expectantly for an answer. 

But such was my shock at the question that I made a total mess. I shrieked in horror and strange sounds came out of my mouth.

I realized that I have much to learn. The feminine language for instance. And the art of asking opinions from people whose opinion you don't plan to consider anyway.

And the art of giving nonsensical answers with a knowing smile. For example, When someone asks "Why", you just smile patiently and explain that every question need not have a logical answer. One feels sometimes. One intuits. Thereby you would have played your cards close to your chest and you avoid having to defend your reason for eternity.

The other day a friend of mine said to me that she relies on her intuition many times and that her intuition was usually good. I asked her if she had ever come across a person who said that his (or her) intuition usually sucked and he would never trust it. Unfortunately I never got to know her answer as she left suddenly saying she had some urgent work to attend to.

Having said that, I still feel it is good to speak the feminine language. With the right pronunciation. I could have at least sorted out the issue of the matching blouse better.

What Kind Of Man Can We Not Tolerate

A friend and I collated the following traits in men that women cannot tolerate in men. We specifically did not include things like his looks, his wealth etc. We focused only on his traits.

1. He wants to spend a lot of time with you - more than you expect and is possessive. He doesn't give you space. 

2. He listens to the strongest person everywhere (Mother, sibling, friend etc) - like Bingley in Pride and Prejudice. He has no mind of his own. He can't take much stress / responsibility. if there is a problem he usually avoids it. He doesnt take any initiative for most things (to go out, even sex).

4. You can't have a long enjoyable conversation most times with him.

5. He has a foul temper and / or little sense of humor and / or is a chauvinist. He may seek your opinion / decision but his decision will usually be different.

8. He cannot be trusted (with money, women). His integrity is not much to write home about.

The fun is that no man will have ALL these characteristics. Each man will have some of these, and not the rest. Which of these is the worst that YOU cannot tolerate? How would you rank these? Note that the numbers are 1, 2, 4, 5 and 8.

We have taken pains to ensure that there aren't too many points to confuse the reader. And hopefully we have not left out important traits. If women can read these traits and point to one of these and then say "aha THERE is my man. right there", I think our efforts would have been justified. 

Comments welcome. (Earlier we had 8 different points. Then based on the analysis of the comments we got we reclassified the traits, Point 5 includes erstwhile 7. And point 2 includes 3,6)

Impact of Last Name Portability In India (When Spouses Can Be Legally Changed After 90 Days While Still Retaining Same Last Name)

I was discussing with a friend what would happen if this LNP (Last Name Portability) came into vogue and it was legal. LNP is the fictitious option invented by me to legally change your relationship partner if you don't like him (or her) after a minimum time period has elapsed. It is the option to have a no questions asked divorce after 90 days have elapsed. Assume first that there are no children involved. Just like you can change your mobile service operator after 90 days - no questions asked while still retaining your number.

Imagine you been married for some time. Things aren't too good, either for you or your spouse. So you start exploring while you are married and when you find another partner who you think is good. You wait until 90 days are over (let's assume that is the minimum time before you can change partner) and then you inform the partner and leave. Either of the partner will leave (who leaves is something that needs to be decided).

Now you are on to a new relationship. You would find things are ok initially and then they start deteriorating. Perhaps both partners feel that this relationship is also not ok. 

You move on to the third relationship. 

When it comes to the third you will be much more careful. You don't like this business of moving every 90 days. It sounds stupid.

Obviously you would be careful to avoid pregnancy until you have spent 3 years (say) with your partner. There are too many issues to tackle when there are children. You would want to be sure before having a kid.

So this time you would hesitate, wait and try to figure out what went wrong. What are others doing? How are they doing? 

Everyone wants to settle with ONE partner for a LONG time.. PEOPLE ARE NOT interested in changing every 90 days just because there is an option available.

So after one or two juvenile mistakes people will be more cautious. It's similar to how it is with MNP (Mobile Number Portability). Do we keep changing telephone operators? Don't we find out which new operator is good? Or if we think everyone is equally bad, don't we hang on to the incumbent? Only 3% of customers have used LNP in one year as per data I read recently (http://www.mnp-india.com/.)

With LNP, most people would probably go through 2 or 3 or maximum 4 relationships before they apply the brakes and do some serious introspection. People would not be indiscriminately promiscuous or have relationships indiscriminately one after another. Better sense would prevail. 

You will start evaluating new partners in new ways. You will look at how many partners he/she has had. If there were too many that itself would be an issue. Just like companies we wont recruit people who change jobs too often. You may start asking for references from previous partners or get feedback from previous partners. Like in ebay you may give and get positive / negative rating after each relationship.

Having the choice of change (of phone or partner) after 90 days doesn't mean things automatically become better. You still have to be sensible.  And you will become sensible. People DO NOT want to keep changing partners for the heck of it. MEN ALSO WONT like it.

So how would things essentially change compared to now?

People will have had couple more partners than now. They are likely to be happier than now because they have an option to leave a poor relationship and find themselves a more suitable partner. And have kids later in life.

What about assets acquired? There will be prenuptial contracts (formal or just oral). When couples split, they may value the assets and split in the proportion of their contribution. 

LNP would make no sense to partners who don't work (or earn) because they could be left high and dry. Women would find jobs. They would become equal or almost equal to men. There would be less consideration or protection to women because of their gender. The current practice of one person (men) earning and the other taking care of home will become less practical. That worked fine when the marriage was until "death do them part". Losers, men and women who aren't fit to be in a relationship or those who do not make good partners, will move into oblivion. The unfit won't survive.

Parents would have less part to play in the marriage either before or after marriage. Parents (in case of arranged marriages) played an active part in choosing the bride or groom. But if LNP is going to happen to more often, they would not be involved in the process of choosing a partner for their children. The death knell would sound on the old Tamil saying "Aayaram poi cholliyum oru kalyanam pannalaam" (Even 1000 lies can be told in order to conduct a marriage).

Guruji mentioned that marriage expenses would fall. Instead of having one big fat Greek wedding, people may have a few petite weddings. And the groom's side would be expected to contribute equally to the expenses. One would not invest too much on a very risky or a short lived venture.

And guess what? Men would have to learn house work. Guys who are unfamiliar with the kitchen won't make the cut. They would end up with poor ratings or without a partner and then will have no choice but to learn to do household chores. Ain't this nice?

Until LNP becomes a reality in India, women currently have to choose dubious last names such as Rani, Devi, Kumari etc in order to to not anyone know who their current spouse is. With LNP, women can remain a Shah even if their current spouse's last name is Naseeruddin. Men don't have this problem. They don't change their last name just because they have changed their spouse. 

Jesus Christ, what is this? http://www.timescrest.com/society/another-name-for-rape-6767

Additional reading: This is lovely reading.