I Can't Understand What's Happening

Life has been strange recently. 

Couple of days back I had gone to the station to pick up my mother. She saw me and beckoned to me. I went to her. And then she told me she had mistaken me for a porter, this being a reflection of the dress I was wearing. 

I didn't mind it. This wasn't a big deal. I am not particular about my dress. And I haven't gone to a shop to buy a shirt or a pair of trousers in many years.

Things started to go downhill recently.

My niece came home today. Whenever she comes, her cousin also drops in. The two are inseparable.

The quality of discussion at home, which was never high in the first place, has dropped many notches. There is constant chatter about who has acted in which movie, who is getting married / separated and which shop has the best bargains (40% or more or less), where you get nice shoes and so on.

Today, my niece showed me two saris and a blouse and asked me which sari matched (in color, you dumbos) the blouse closer. She and my mother had had a disagreement and they wanted me to settle the matter, me being the man of the house.

I know, I could have handled the question better and pointed to any one of the saris. It wouldn't have mattered which sari I chose. No one takes a man's opinion in these matter seriously anyway. I am reminded of the scene in the movie Mummy where the heroine Rachel Weisz wakes up and finds herself lying on her back with her hands tied, a mouse slowly walking across her belly. That's more or less how I felt. I was minding my own business, reading something when this question (which sari/blouse matched better) was thrown at me and two women looked at me expectantly for an answer. 

But such was my shock at the question that I made a total mess. I shrieked in horror and strange sounds came out of my mouth.

I realized that I have much to learn. The feminine language for instance. And the art of asking opinions from people whose opinion you don't plan to consider anyway.

And the art of giving nonsensical answers with a knowing smile. For example, When someone asks "Why", you just smile patiently and explain that every question need not have a logical answer. One feels sometimes. One intuits. Thereby you would have played your cards close to your chest and you avoid having to defend your reason for eternity.

The other day a friend of mine said to me that she relies on her intuition many times and that her intuition was usually good. I asked her if she had ever come across a person who said that his (or her) intuition usually sucked and he would never trust it. Unfortunately I never got to know her answer as she left suddenly saying she had some urgent work to attend to.

Having said that, I still feel it is good to speak the feminine language. With the right pronunciation. I could have at least sorted out the issue of the matching blouse better.