How does it feel when you have a nature that people around you have generally liked or at least allowed you to express freely?
Then you move to a new environment where people have no use for this nature, they don't appreciate it, instead they deride you for it. You tend to feel depressed.
And then one fine day, along come some people who give shape to your nature, make it bloom. They don't just accept you for what you are. But they like you for exactly what you are. They make you feel charged. How do you feel then? Not only do you feel good just by being yourself but you also find that you are becoming a healthier person, you feel rich. You see starkly the difference between the people who made you feel small and then you look at the people who made you grow. How do you feel towards those people who said it was not only ok the way you were but liked you for precisely what you were?
You wish the world were filled with people who could bring out the best in you. You strongly want to reciprocate to such people, a payment owed to them for processing the raw material in you and making a lovely finished product.
We love those who bring out the best in us, we tolerate those who accept us or are indifferent to us, we shudder to be with those people who dislike what we truly are. I am reminded of Shah Rukh Khan with Rani Mujherjee in Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna or Francesca with Kincaid in Bridges of Madison County or Waheeda with Dev Anand in Guide. Remember what Dev Anand says to Waheeda? "Kal tak aap lagti thi chalees saal ki aurat. Jo zindagi ki har khushi, har umang kahin raaste pe kho aayi hai. Aur aaj lagti hain sola saal ki bacchi, bholi, nadaan, bachpan ke sharaarat se bharpur..." (Till yesterday, you were like a 40 year old woman who had lost all her happiness and desire somewhere along with the way. And today you are like a 16 year old girl, full of innocence, mischief..."). This is the transformation that happens in a virtuous cycle. Did it happen to Richard Gere with Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman?
This virtuous cycle caused by the deep appreciation of each other, as in the examples cited above, causes a great connect. One wonders whether this kind of a connect exists only in fiction. Do we see it in real life? Does it have a long shelf life?
Much too often in life we see a vicious cycle where parties make each other feel smaller. This is not because we dislike the other person or that the other person dislikes us. It is because the kind of person that we are does not find favor with the kind ("X") of person that the other party is. We would create a vicious cycle with any other person of the type "X".
If someone says he likes you for being what you are, yet they are not like you / have no interest to be like you, chances are that they accept you for being what you are - they may not have any thrill because of what you are. You may not share a connect with them. Accepting and being accepted does not create a connect.
Additional reading:
SOOOOOOOOO TRUE....
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