Friends of mine from Europe can't digest the fact that many Indians get into an arranged marriage.
They say that this "arranged marriage" where the spouse is identified by the family and where at the time of marriage the couple don't "love" each other cannot work. Especially the idea of having sex with a partner whom you don't know well enough is appalling, say my friends. And they assert vigorously that it can never work.
Well interesting thought. Now let's see the data.
The divorce rate in India is the lowest in the world at about 11 divorces out of 1000 marriages (http://www.divorcerate.org/divorce-rate-in-india.html) which works out to a divorce to marriage percentage of about 1%.
In the European Union (EU) on the other hand, the average number of divorces is 1.8 per 1000 residents and the average number of marriages is 5.1 per 1000 residents (http://culture.polishsite.us/articles/art138fr.htm). This means that the divorce to marriage percentage is 1.8/5.1 = 35% for EU.
Now, Indian divorce per marriage rate is 1% and the same for EU is 35%. The data for EU is an order of magnitude higher.
It is true that in India, many couples don't break up because of social reasons (divorces are not socially accepted) and hence the data for India should be interpreted carefully. Low divorce rates may NOT necessarily be indicative of things being honky dory.
So let's take another country which is like India where people face a similar (non-acceptance of divorce) issue. Let's take a catholic country like Poland. The catholic church is against divorce. And in Poland also, divorcees are not as socially accepted as married or "never married" people are.
And let's, for the sake of argument, assume that the issue of spouses sticking together despite breakdown because of "other" (social/religious) reasons are almost similar in extent in both Poland and India. My friend from Poland says this could be a decent assumption.
Let's take the data for Poland from the same link
(http://culture.polishsite.us/articles/art138fr.htm).
(http://culture.polishsite.us/articles/art138fr.htm).
The divorce per marriage data for Poland is (1.2/1000) / (5.1/1000) = 24%.
Remember that the same for India is 1%.
Now the last point. What percentage of Indian marriages are "arranged"? Read this
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arranged_marriage_in_India).
An overwhelming majority of marriages in India are arranged as per wiki. And what percentage of EU or Polish marriages are arranged? I would say it's close to 0%.
So a comparison of figures for India and Poland can be taken to be equivalent to a comparison of arranged and non-arranged marriages.
What does it prove?
Couples may and do stay together in India despite the relationship between the spouses being very poor. But so is the case in Poland. And we have seen the data for Poland. Not knowing your partner before marriage, per se, has very little impact on the (de)stability of the marriage.
This is something my friends in Europe would do well to reflect on. While it is painful for them to even think of such a (arranged) marriage, data proves that it does work. And maybe even better (remember 1% vs 24%).
When people ask me "But how can you ... with a person you dont know well?", I tell about the people that fall in love over the internet with persons they have not met in real life, perhaps never even seen their pictures. I am reminded of a lovely story
http://tnsf.ca/heartstrings/stories/true_nature.shtml.
While the statement "The true nature of a heart is seen in its response to the unattractive." could be true, it is out of sync with the rest of the story (which is more about not judging a book to be unattractive because its cover is unattractive and hence contradicting the statement above. Would the man have loved the woman if she had scribbled junk in the margin of the book?). And can you imagine falling in love with a truly disgusting outfit?
Maybe love is not as much an accurate impersonal evaluation of the other person as it is about attributing to the other person all the good things that you imagined in an "anjaan" (unknown/imagined) lover and refusing to do any evaluation. Tolerating something that is unattractive is one thing.But loving something because it's unattractive is too disgusting to me.
Additional reading: http://vbala99.blogspot.in/2012/02/what-is-connect.html
When people ask me "But how can you ... with a person you dont know well?", I tell about the people that fall in love over the internet with persons they have not met in real life, perhaps never even seen their pictures. I am reminded of a lovely story
http://tnsf.ca/heartstrings/stories/true_nature.shtml.
While the statement "The true nature of a heart is seen in its response to the unattractive." could be true, it is out of sync with the rest of the story (which is more about not judging a book to be unattractive because its cover is unattractive and hence contradicting the statement above. Would the man have loved the woman if she had scribbled junk in the margin of the book?). And can you imagine falling in love with a truly disgusting outfit?
Maybe love is not as much an accurate impersonal evaluation of the other person as it is about attributing to the other person all the good things that you imagined in an "anjaan" (unknown/imagined) lover and refusing to do any evaluation. Tolerating something that is unattractive is one thing.But loving something because it's unattractive is too disgusting to me.
Additional reading: http://vbala99.blogspot.in/2012/02/what-is-connect.html
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