This post is about my friend, let's call him EM1, and about incidents that happened in the last two months concerning him and me.
The first event concerns a public tender process (PTP).
My friend and I were discussing the process to follow for getting buildings painted.
The first event concerns a public tender process (PTP).
My friend and I were discussing the process to follow for getting buildings painted.
He often says that he is aware of how things are done but that I don't. He strongly felt that we had to follow a public tender process (PTP) while soliciting proposals from contractors. And he objected to my thought that we could just go ahead and get proposals from 3 different contractors without going through a formal public tender.
The following is the message he sent to me on Jul 24, 2018 reproduced here.
This is regarding external painting and civil repairs. It is advisable to follow the public tender process. We should specify the type of work, materials to be used such as Dr Fix It Nu coat to be used with cement mixtures for filling cracks Asian grade emulsion add synthetic paint to be used after cleaning the walls with sand paper and water washing with the help of scaffolding. One coat of primer and two coats of emulsion to be specified. E M D to be paid by the contractor of 10%min. Also validity of the contract and jurisdiction for any legal disputes. If the above guidelines are followed we can be sure of good results.
I asked him if this PTP (public tender) process was what was followed in the past in our buildings and whether he could show me the tender and the responses.
He shot back saying he wasn't my servant and he wasn't required to show such proof. Then i asked him how he proposed to go through the PTP now that we had already got the quotations from different vendors. Or should we disregard the proposals start afresh with the PTP.
He replied that we could write up a tender document and post it outside our buildings - like we see 2ft by 1ft boards advertising for Hathway or Airtel broadbands services. And he added that whoever saw it was welcome to act upon it and submit a proposal.
So THIS was what he meant when he insisted on a PTP in one of our meetings I asked my friend whether this wasn't an eyewash. He and few other friends (UU3 and EF4 - I do have a penchant for giving offbeat names) confirmed that this was perfectly legitimate and this is what we ought to do.
Other instances of his strange behavior come to mind.
In another instance he quoted my stance on sewage pipe replacement completely incorrectly and sent me another note.
People who had been following my messages would have had a different thing to say about my stand on sewage pipe replacement. They may also realize that the priority that my friend, who incidentally quit The group messaging platform, is talking about is the same as what the group had agreed on. This is a typical example of my friends ranting with a wrong data.
The office space he referred to and taken responsibility for is yet to come as on 23rd Aug 2018. On Aug 11th, my friend mentioned that it will take more time to get the office, that he can't commit to a date and getting an alternate office built was not a priority. And that we could wait until the state government responded favorably.
Couple of months back he and another buddy (UU3) of his insisted that the President of the meeting had to minute the meeting and that it had to be done on paper, not done electronically. Both swore the bylaws that the minutes had to be done that way. Another gentleman (EF4) intervened and agreed to have things printed out if the necessary stuff was emailed to him by the President.
In another instance around Aug 9th, my friend had suggested that we invite a property tax official so that we could get clarification on the self declaration form to be filled. I had suggested that only 5 people attend informally and the information could be disseminated to all others later. Subsequently my friend called me to say we have to make arrangements for 25 people to attend which would have cost some money. I said no. What was the need for 25 people to attend and why change what we agreed to earlier. My friend went ahead and made the arrangements by himself and incurred the additional expense with the cooperation of UU3 and EF4. What additional benefit did the extra cost result in?
This friend is often inconsistent in what he says, incorrect in what he says and forceful. (Read http://vbala99.blogspot.com/2018/07/pf-gratuity-cheque-payment.html - a nice account showing his thinking.)
Once he told me that if i didn't do what he said, he will not only make sure that nothing moved forward but also that things move backward. Another time he will go to any extent to get what he wanted done - even if it meant murdering me. I disregarded all this as being his typical tantrums and empty talk.
What makes me curious is: what's driving him to this behavior? He constantly threatens, throws tantrums (A. wanting to change the security agency ostensibly because milk packets and petrol from his bike were being stolen and B. that I personally ostracize a mutual acquaintance because he hated her) and wants special treatment, twists facts, recollects facts incorrectly. What really pisses him off is when he is asked to substantiate his claims or opinions.
One of his claims was that if income tax was not filed by the deadline, the penalty would be Rs 5000 per day. UU3 and EF4 looking on without disputing this outrageous claim. That's when I realized UU3 and EF4, nice gentlemen by themselves, had taken leave of their senses when in the company of my friend.
The last two months were strange with my friend's destructive behavior with no else to recognize it for what it meant. I consulted a couple of elderly gentleman who had known of my friend for decades. One of them said "he tends to talk too much, 10% of what he says usually is sensible. And he tends to disrupt things." The other gentleman refused to comment except that he has generally avoided my friend in all these decades.
The pathological lies, the grandiose sense of self (the number of times he promised that we would get the office in the next 2 or 3 or 5 days), the way he treated lesser people, his sense of entitlement, his abusive nature, his wrath when asked to substantiate his claims.
I am reminded of NPD. The last two months felt unreal, with UU3 actively supporting my friend and working n his behalf. And EF4 perhaps unwittingly colluded with my friend.
All the events mentioned happened as mentioned and hopefully deviate little from facts. Opinions mentioned are strictly mine, which could be incorrect.
Additional Reading
Other instances of his strange behavior come to mind.
In another instance he quoted my stance on sewage pipe replacement completely incorrectly and sent me another note.
This is with reference to your message on items of expenditure without any priority. I will ensure we get back our old office space as per our letter to state government before this month end. We should then call for a committee meeting to set our priorities that fits our Budget. In my opinion we should first do the civil repairs to sun shades and also external wall cracks if any by Oct 18. External painting to be taken up by Jan 19. Our present financial position will permit only this much. Even to do this we should call for EGM restricted to the above. Then form a subcommittee to start the Tender process for this work. After creating some reserves we should plan for the rest. Taking up sewerage pipe relaying is ruled out now as it will cost 40lakhs which the Assn can not afford. The matter has been discussed at several GB when it was decided that it should be done along with reconstruction of our land space into a bigger flat for all owners. Somebody is misleading the President about sewerage pipe relaying with an ulterior motive. I am totally against such a proposal at the cost of Association. The first two as outlined above are not only within our means but also an urgent priority. Let us discuss in our committee meeting first to gain strength to our arguments.
People who had been following my messages would have had a different thing to say about my stand on sewage pipe replacement. They may also realize that the priority that my friend, who incidentally quit The group messaging platform, is talking about is the same as what the group had agreed on. This is a typical example of my friends ranting with a wrong data.
The office space he referred to and taken responsibility for is yet to come as on 23rd Aug 2018. On Aug 11th, my friend mentioned that it will take more time to get the office, that he can't commit to a date and getting an alternate office built was not a priority. And that we could wait until the state government responded favorably.
Couple of months back he and another buddy (UU3) of his insisted that the President of the meeting had to minute the meeting and that it had to be done on paper, not done electronically. Both swore the bylaws that the minutes had to be done that way. Another gentleman (EF4) intervened and agreed to have things printed out if the necessary stuff was emailed to him by the President.
In another instance around Aug 9th, my friend had suggested that we invite a property tax official so that we could get clarification on the self declaration form to be filled. I had suggested that only 5 people attend informally and the information could be disseminated to all others later. Subsequently my friend called me to say we have to make arrangements for 25 people to attend which would have cost some money. I said no. What was the need for 25 people to attend and why change what we agreed to earlier. My friend went ahead and made the arrangements by himself and incurred the additional expense with the cooperation of UU3 and EF4. What additional benefit did the extra cost result in?
This friend is often inconsistent in what he says, incorrect in what he says and forceful. (Read http://vbala99.blogspot.com/2018/07/pf-gratuity-cheque-payment.html - a nice account showing his thinking.)
Once he told me that if i didn't do what he said, he will not only make sure that nothing moved forward but also that things move backward. Another time he will go to any extent to get what he wanted done - even if it meant murdering me. I disregarded all this as being his typical tantrums and empty talk.
What makes me curious is: what's driving him to this behavior? He constantly threatens, throws tantrums (A. wanting to change the security agency ostensibly because milk packets and petrol from his bike were being stolen and B. that I personally ostracize a mutual acquaintance because he hated her) and wants special treatment, twists facts, recollects facts incorrectly. What really pisses him off is when he is asked to substantiate his claims or opinions.
One of his claims was that if income tax was not filed by the deadline, the penalty would be Rs 5000 per day. UU3 and EF4 looking on without disputing this outrageous claim. That's when I realized UU3 and EF4, nice gentlemen by themselves, had taken leave of their senses when in the company of my friend.
The last two months were strange with my friend's destructive behavior with no else to recognize it for what it meant. I consulted a couple of elderly gentleman who had known of my friend for decades. One of them said "he tends to talk too much, 10% of what he says usually is sensible. And he tends to disrupt things." The other gentleman refused to comment except that he has generally avoided my friend in all these decades.
The pathological lies, the grandiose sense of self (the number of times he promised that we would get the office in the next 2 or 3 or 5 days), the way he treated lesser people, his sense of entitlement, his abusive nature, his wrath when asked to substantiate his claims.
I am reminded of NPD. The last two months felt unreal, with UU3 actively supporting my friend and working n his behalf. And EF4 perhaps unwittingly colluded with my friend.
All the events mentioned happened as mentioned and hopefully deviate little from facts. Opinions mentioned are strictly mine, which could be incorrect.
Additional Reading
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