Dirty Words - Avoid Using And Reacting To Them

A friend of mine A told me about her faux pas when she was conversing with her friend B.

B apparently told A that if parents talked to their children in English at home, children tend to pick up the language better and suggested that A also do the same.

A blurted out to B that her (A's) husband's English wasn't good and hence the suggestion couldn't be implemented.

A recounted this to me and said she wasn't feeling good about what she divulged to B.

I said maybe A subconsciously compared her husband's English with her brother's. I suggested that her husband's being poorer might have gnawed at her and hence perhaps her comment came out.

A was shocked at my suggestion and asked me how could I even dream of such an explanation. It was so nasty, she said to me.

I told A that perhaps the word COMPARE had caused her to not understand the import of what I said. Since childhood A had been compared with another child. She hence has an adverse opinion of COMPARE. A vehemently hates the idea of comparison.

Another friend C has an old ailing mother D. D's appetite has been steadily falling and D was also finding it difficult to eat what C cooked. C asked her mother whether she (D) would prefer some other kind of food. D replied that she (D) was not fussy and would eat anything. 

The question was not whether D was fussy. Rather it was about finding a solution to a problem.

Now both A and D reacted in a way which B and C, respectively, didn't anticipate. The issue is that both reacted and gave a response through their S1. A instinctively responded to the dirty word "COMPARE". D reacted to the dirty idea of being fussy. (For an intro into S1, S2 read https://vbala99.blogspot.com/2017/10/thinking-fast-and-slow-daniel-kahnemann.html.)

Essentially the dirty word is a hot trigger which, when we hear, causes to react through our S1. 

B and C have to learn to avoid dirty words while speaking to A and D. 
A and D have to introspect and understand their predilection to respond incorrectly when dirty words are used.
Finally B and C have to introspect and see what "dirty words" exist that they themselves react incorrectly to. A and D have to understand what dirty words they themselves use which may cause someone else to behave incorrectly.

How is all this going to happen?