K Athangar's son V came home today with his wife C. Both of them had some physical problems. Neither of them could walk well. He had diabetes and vertigo. She had some orthopedic problems. We were discussing old times and catching up with stuff happening in our lives. V was worried about his brother R, who is a little retarded. That is one thought that is constantly in the back of V's mind - what would happen to R once V and his wife and father are no more. V lost his mother, my cousin, a few years back.
That's when I told him that if ever such a situation arises when V, his father and C are no more and if I am still around, then I will take care of his brother R. Incidentally my nephew happens to be a little older than me.
He had tears in his eyes. He couldn't believe anyone would offer to do such a thing. He is an idiot. He is a person, who with his wife, took care of his mother for years.
His mother had had both her legs amputated. And I had seen how difficult it was to for my cousin as well as for her daughter in law C who had to help my helpless cousin whenever my cousin wanted to change her position - sitting to sleeping or vice versa and for potty and... Imagine how many things had to be done for my cousin.
And then his father was in his late 70's and for some period of time he was taking care of his paternal grandmother also who was in her 90s. Plus a brother R who isn't easy to take care of. And he was thinking I was doing something nice. He said I had taken after my father who, my nephew reminded, had a special fondness for weak and helpless people, especially retarded relatives of whom our family seemed to have a few.
Isn't it a wonder that it is R who is retarded instead of me? But for a quirk of fate it could easily have been the other way around.
Today I volunteered to look after R. There is one other cousin whom I plan to do the same for. Would I ever do it? I do not know.
It was strange to see V in tears. My father was the same. Both were strong F's (MBTI) Isn't it strange that there are some men whose eyes water easily while the rest of us have the sensitivity of a male orangutan?
It was strange to see V in tears. My father was the same. Both were strong F's (MBTI) Isn't it strange that there are some men whose eyes water easily while the rest of us have the sensitivity of a male orangutan?
From a different point of view:
At the end of the day, do we feel comfortable with ourselves if some our own are uncared for and helpless? Am I fond of relatives or does my heart go out to the weak and helpless? I guess it's more to do with the latter. Are the ones drawn towards the weak always ET's? Is it a reflection of a lack of character when one is drawn towards the weak?
How does one combine the two points of view? Is it sensitivity or a weakness? Or does sensitivity and weakness in character usually coexist?
At the end of the day, do we feel comfortable with ourselves if some our own are uncared for and helpless? Am I fond of relatives or does my heart go out to the weak and helpless? I guess it's more to do with the latter. Are the ones drawn towards the weak always ET's? Is it a reflection of a lack of character when one is drawn towards the weak?
How does one combine the two points of view? Is it sensitivity or a weakness? Or does sensitivity and weakness in character usually coexist?
Additional reading:
In your blog, "men in tears", asked a question to the readers-
ReplyDeletewhether weakness or helplessness attracts you to serve them?
from the content i presume weakness means for you is when a person considers himself as insufficient, always seeks satisfaction from outside world. where as helplessness is one where you provide some amount of guidance,the person would be able to achieve whatever he wants.
if i am right, very thin line differentiates them. you could go wrong in the first attempt when the person seeking is completely a stranger.
i think weak people would be there in temple, with swamijis or powerful personalities for help to accomplish something or the other in their life which would be never ending.
A person with pride would definitely feel satisfied once he gives some sort of help to the helpless person as the latter would know the value what he had achieved.
This is sensible sensitivity.
No i guess i did not communicate well..
DeleteLet me quote from the blog post.
"How does one combine the two points of view? Is it sensitivity or a weakness? Or does sensitivity and weakness in character usually coexist?"
Here i am talking about sensitivity and weakness in the person HELPING. Why am i thinking that the helping person is or could be weak in character?
Here i am going to the character ET Ellsworth Toohey from Fountainhead. He was always drawn to the weak person (largely people without pride) and his character itself is considered to be a lousy one. He seeked power by making those he helped become subservient to him.
It is in this context that i ask the question: the person helping is sensitive to the pain of the other person. Is the same person also devoid of good character like ET was? Does sensitivity and weak character IN THE PERSON WHO IS HELPING usually coexist?
Both are F (as in MBTI) characteristics.
The question that i am thinking of is: some people always are drawn towards the strong. They hate the weak. Ayn Rand was one such. I can think of two such people from my circle of acquaintances. A person I know (UTW) and occasionally another person (WC) were drawn to the weak. Being drawn to the weak - does it make UTW and WC feel stronger in front of helpless people and is it for an ego kick that they are drawn to the weak?
I am fairly sure UTW had no ego and his being focused on the weak was his really nice nature. It is about WC that my question lingers. Is WC like UTW or is WC trying to be nice with an ugly hidden agenda?