Friday, March 18, 2022

Pain And Sadness

A friend of mine was telling me about two of her friends A and B. She described both of them to me. Both "celebrated" (her words, not mine) sadness. She knew A for 2 years and likes him. She knew B for 2 days before she dumped him. 


That made me curious. What was the difference between the two, I asked her.


She explained. A, while a constantly sad person by nature, was organised and fulfilled his responsibilities. She appreciated this in A. 


B, on the other hand, was constantly in pain. Not doing anything with his life, just whining. She couldn't take this.


I thought through what my friend said. I had thought sadness and pain were similar. Now I feel they are quite distinct from each other. A person can like sadness and still be responsible and be active.


A person in pain is very different. The pain prevents the person from handling any big responsibility. I had a friend who was a HSP, with pain in every organ. She was a housewife who cooked one meal a day, just for herself. And few days of the month, couldn't even manage to do even that. 


A person in chronic serious pain (no matter what the cause) ends up in depression, in which case he hardly handles any responsibility, or in the worst case suicide. They seem to relish and live for the pain. An important part of their identity is their pain.


And I heard that the person, while he was attracted to sadness could never tolerate (expression of) pain either in himself or in others. He was pessimistic by nature. He appreciated sadness as a mood as others appreciate happiness or humour. 


Sadness is perhaps not expressed. But the "kickback" for pain is in the expression of it. 


Pain flows from Venus, sadness from Saturn.


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Thursday, March 17, 2022

Rape Theory

Rape is a subject that has interested me for years. Here is a list of news, articles which explain how it's seen, felt, described in India. I have included some of my posts on this subject in the section labelled "Additional reading".


Wiki article on rape: 

"On the other hand, a 2003 study found that the frequency of pregnancy from rape is significantly higher than that of pregnancy in non-coercive intercourse, and advanced the hypothesis that male rapists disproportionately target women exhibiting biological indications of fertility"
He cites a paper by C.A. Fox and Beatrice Fox, reporting that biologist Alan Sterling Parkes had speculated in personal correspondence that "there is a high conception rate in rape, where hormonal release, due to fear or anger, could produce reflex ovulation". Smith also cites veterinary scientist Wolfgang Jöchle, who "proposed that rape may induce ovulation in human females" 

"For example, Tang-Martinez (1997, p. 116) describes a common feminist view that evolutionary psychology is, “inherently misogynistic and provides a justification for the oppression of women.” However, the feminists to whom Tang-Martinez refers are committing what is known as the naturalistic fallacy: the error of deriving what ought to be from what is. This error can be demonstrated clearly with an example: No sensible person would argue that a scientist researching the causes of cancer is thereby justifying or promoting cancer. Yet some people argue that investigating rape from an evolutionary perspective justifies or legitimizes rape" - this is interesting. When feminine women inquire into the cause of a undesirable phenomenon, they are usually in an empathizing / forgiving mode. When researchers inquire into the cause of a phenomenon their purpose is to understand it, control it and ultimately minimize or eliminate it. I have seen this difference often. The F (as in MBTI) reason for going into the cause is very different from the T's reason.
"Related to the naturalistic fallacy is the false belief of genetic determinism: The idea that behavior is unalterable, programmed, or otherwise unchangeable. Biologist John Maynard Smith noted that genetic determinism is, “an incorrect idea that is largely irrelevant, because it is not held by anyone, or at least not by any competent evolutionary biologist” (1997, p. 524). No evolutionary psychologist would argue that because rape is produced by evolved mechanisms, we should accept its occurrence." This contradicts my belief that behavior is largely pre-programmed.

"Wrangham and Peterson (1996) reviewed evidence indicating that male orangutans exist as one of two distinct morphs or behavioral types. The large morphs weigh significantly more, move much slowly, and are typically able to find females willing to mate with them. The small morphs are typically unable to find females willing to mate with them. These small morphs are more likely to chase down and rape females. This represents a conditional strategy. If the smaller males are unable to gain sexual access to females through intrasexual competition and by being attractive to females, they may use the conditional strategy of chasing down and raping a female." - This is fantastic and quite different from what Michael Crichton opines about rape in his lovely novel Disclosure. Fantastic because it provides a simple explanation about what causes the non-alpha male to rape. Is this what Mukesh Singh did?

"A hypothesized design feature of rape adaptations involves mechanisms that cause men to evaluate the sexual attractiveness of rape victims differently than for consensual partners. Specifically, a rapist might be more successful reproductively by maximizing the chance that a one-time forced copulation will result in pregnancy. According to this hypothesis, a would-be rapist may be more likely to target a highly fertile woman than a woman who is less fertile (Thornhill & Palmer, 2000). Human female fertility (current likelihood of conception per copulation) peaks in the early to mid-20s. Therefore, if women in this age range are over-represented in reports of rape, it is possible that this reflects a male adaptation that leads to raping fertile women more often than non-fertile women. Numerous studies have documented that young women are most often targeted by rapists, and that women of peak fertility are over-represented in reported and unreported rapes"

"we propose five types of rapists (or contexts of rape),
  • disadvantaged men who resort to rape [orangutan example] "It is supported by data indicating that rapes are committed disproportionately by men with low socioeconomic status...Furthermore, Krill, Lake, and Platek (2006) presented evidence that men convicted of rape display lower facial symmetry, an indicator of poor genetic quality. Facial symmetry is linked positively with physical and psychological health (Shackelford & Larsen, 1997), and men with lower facial symmetry are perceived as less attractive and as less desirable mates",
  • “specialized” rapists who are sexually aroused by violent sex..."Meta-analyses indicate that convicted rapists demonstrate greater sexual arousal to scenes of sexual coercion involving force than do nonrapists..If a rape is a one-time event, it might make adaptive sense for the rapist to inseminate the woman with an ejaculate that contains a high sperm count or that otherwise increases the chance of successful fertilization. Indeed, Thornhill and Palmer (2000) have hypothesized that some rapists may be capable of producing a high-sperm-count ejaculate that would increase the chance of fertilization. Men seem to be capable of unconsciously adjusting sperm number in ejaculates, such as in response to a greater risk of sperm competition (Baker & Bellis, 1989, 1993), but it is unknown whether rapists adjust sperm numbers during rape",
  • men who rape opportunistically,
  • high-mating-effort men who are dominant and often psychopathic, and
  • partner rapists motivated by assessments of increased risk of sperm competition....Women are particularly likely to be raped by their partner during a breakup instigated by men’s concerns about their partner’s infidelity...Men with partners who committed infidelities, or who suspected that their partner had committed infidelities (indicating increased risk of sperm competition), were more likely to perform sexually coercive behaviors, including rape. These findings are consistent with the existence of psychological mechanisms that motivate men to commit partner rape in response to risk of sperm competition"

"A sample of 169 normally ovulating women watched short segments of videotaped interviews of men. The women were then asked to rate the men on several items that were summed to create an overall coerciveness score. Average coerciveness scores for each man were computed. Finally, women’s menstrual status was estimated using the reverse-cycle counting method. The results indicated that women in the fertile phase of their menstrual cycle rated the men as more sexually coercive. This suggests that women at greater risk of conception may be more attuned to signs of male sexual coerciveness than women at lesser risk of conception." - This could mean that women are more paranoid and not that they identify sexually aggressive men more accurately when they [women] are at maximum risk of becoming pregnant.

"Studies demonstrate that women have a greater fear of stranger rape than of being raped by someone they know. This is despite modern patterns of rape, which indicate that women are more likely to be raped by someone they know. These results may reflect the greater potential costs associated with stranger rape, such as a decreased likelihood of investment by the genetic father of resulting offspring." 

Nice article on women's rape fantasies: 

“The desire of the man,” she opined, “is for the woman, but the desire of the woman is for the desire of the man.” 
"Arousal [and, however involuntarily, most women do lubricate in situations of actual rape] is not consent.”
"What Chivers believes must be emphasized is that such politically incorrect sexual fantasies are absent any imagined negative repercussions. That without including any physical or psychological harm—but rather keying in on the abandoned thrill of being so daringly, illicitly, even roughly, “taken” by a passionate male—they reveal a core element in female eroticism. It’s a “rape” totally liberated from any serious possibility of assault."

"So, in such idealized “pretend scenarios,” a woman can experience her rawest, most unconstrained sexuality as fully, wondrously, even miraculously expressed—in no way impeded by any viscerally felt sense of peril. " 


Why men rape women: 
http://www.2knowmyself.com/why_do_men_rape_women

http://owningyourshit.blogspot.in/search/label/rape: Nice article on rape: Quotes: 
"That is, to maintain the definition of rape as the conscious, intentional and willful forcing of sex on a clearly non-consenting person....[In a study]  Because of all the women determined to have been raped, only 27% considered themselves to be rape victims. Yes, that's right. It was the surveyors, not the respondents, who decided who had been raped and who hadn't."

"If women want society to place no special value on a woman's sexual purity as a function of her self-worth, they need to...well, grow up and stop placing special value on it themselves in the context of unwanted sexual attention. That rape is a crime and should be treated as such, I have absolutely no problem with. But that rape is still treated as an "extra-special, super-crime against the 'sanctity' of a woman's body, the worst violation ever, and one that should be treated differently than other crimes because it brings shame and a loss of self-worth to victims"? This is backward thinking in any sexually liberated society. " Wowowow.

Apparently women (and men too perhaps) can pick up subtle signs and spot other women who are ovulating as per this article.

Originally posted 25/6/2017

Additional reading:
  1. http://www.newser.com/story/229936/teen-who-impregnated-teacher-gets-6m-from-district.html? utm_source=part&utm_medium=ozy.com&utm_campaign=pp: Teen male gets $6million for raping teacher
  2. https://vbala99.blogspot.com/2022/03/pink-is-for-men.html
  3. https://vbala99.blogspot.com/2018/10/metoo-got-molested.html : Strongly recommended.
  4. https://vbala99.blogspot.com/2018/09/stockholm-syndrome.html

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Pink Is For Men -On Rape - Stories

http://thereel.scroll.in/817340/pink-is-not-for-women-but-for-men-and-boys-says-producer-shoojit-sircar


I have always felt that rape, unless it involved bodily assault as in the case of Nirbhaya, is not a criminal act. Date rape, without violence, for example is not a criminal act - it is no different from a person taking another's money through cajoling.

26/9/2016

Kobe Bryant rape case
I read this wiki article today. It reminded of the discussion I had with a friend a few weeks about rape.

I was telling her that it is very difficult to prove that a man committed rape. She responded that the accuser (woman) would be traumatized and may have semen from the man on her body and that's proof enough. I said it is possible that the woman could have had consensual sex with the accused and could have been later raped by some other man which would cause both the symptoms (accused's semen and trauma).

Additional reading: Excellent post(s) on rape.


Interesting Thing About Strauss-Kahn Case
I read this.

How well that maid told the gang rape story and about her sexual assault in the hotel room!!! She apparently enacted with great verisimilitude.

What made her tell such a story about a man? What was in her mind when she said it? Initially I thought she was perhaps a stooge of Sarkozy's team out to destroy Strauss-Kahn.

I don't know if that was the case. But what is definitely to be appreciated is the way she could emote well in real life about something that didn't happen. Wouldn't it be nice to see how many other wrecks she has left behind?

Raped in a hotel:
I read this now. So sad http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/delhi/Woman-raped-at-Vasant-Kunj-hotel/articleshow/10470042.cms. My friend Mary concurred with me, the man must have been an animal.

Raped in Dubai



How does it feel to be raped


Pre Marital Sex, Consent And Rape - Recent Judgment




An apology: 


Apparently many of the rapes are by known people who had no business doing it... like uncle, teacher, father, brother's friend... where there is no question of a romantic relationship between the two people. Some friends I know have been molested or raped. And I am not talking about marital rape or date rape etc.

http://m.timesofindia.com/tech/social-media/Girl-posts-nude-pictures-of-boyfriend-on-Facebook/articleshow/40144169.cms



False Allegations and Rape
View Of Indian Rapes From Across The Border
Not Rape Anymore


Rape Again


Rape is about power and not a man woman thing. - Michael Crichton - Disclosure.

Punishment for rape in different countries. https://sv-se.facebook.com/hindutavasinghnad/posts/583215951695807?stream_ref=5

I read an interesting article on rape. This is about how a man should and should not behave and explaining why. While I never had imagined what a woman thinks when she saw me (or any other man), this article reveals something that I had not known. I assume the author's opinion represents what most women feel. 

If such is the case, what would I think when I see a woman near me? 
"Oh, oh here comes another one. Probably thinks her looks and her emotions are valid collateral for getting something tangible from me. And would expect chivalry from me and also that I treat her as an equal. And now of course I ought to feel guilty that I could be a rapist." I am going to become gay. 
And this is another article on rape.

Introduction To Rape:
How do you introduce the word "rape" to your daughter? http://in.lifestyle.yahoo.com/let%E2%80%99s-talk-about-it--fathers--daughters-and-the-r-word-165342171.html


Additional reading:

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Monday, March 7, 2022

Imaginative Zelensky

I had a wild thought. What if zelensky is in cahoots with Putin? What if he is no different now from Lukashenko, except that zelensky is acting the part of a patriot. 


Why could this be true? Ukraine knows 

1. It cannot win against mighty Russia

2. It cannot really count on USA, NATO, EU to help much, I mean they won't join the war against Russia. 


He and Putin could have forged a wartime "friendship" to fake an Ukrainian resistance that would ultimately give in. Zelensky will be called a hero. Putin will reward him quietly and substantially when the time comes. Say, $50 million deposited in a numbered account with Zelensky as the beneficiary, nobody will be the wiser. 


Everyone is happy.

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Sunday, February 27, 2022

Putin's Character And The Ukraine War

I was thinking. Why did Putin claim he wasn't going to invade when he did exactly that few days later. I figured out an answer
In his mind, Ukraine was always part of Russia. Invasion is about an action to take over what is not yours.
Ukraine was his anyway. So it wasn't an "invasion". 



This is a lovely article: https://nyti.ms/3tYGlWF.

This article is original and different. The rest have largely portrayed a surreal depiction of how the West brought Russia to its knees. Too much focus on the process (sanctions) and desire (want Putin to withdraw) without an evidence of the end result (is Russia withdrawing) makes all the essays drab


Additional reading:

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Sunday, December 26, 2021

Progression Dementia Parkinson's

This post has no content created by me. It's a bunch of quotes from links I collected. 


The following is the Google search results for the words in the blog heading

https://www.google.com/search?q=progression+of+Parkinson%27s+dementia+until+death&oq=progression+of+Parkinson%27s+dementia+until+death&aqs=chrome..69i57.15080j1j7&client=ms-android-samsung-gj-rev1&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8

These are the some of the interesting links and excerpts.

https://www.gmjournal.co.uk/management-of-parkinson-s-disease-symptoms-in-the-last-days-of-life-a-review-and-guide


Can a patient’s ability to make decisions in the last days of life be impaired and how is this managed?


In a North American study of 47 carers of idiopathic PD patients in the last months of life most described the goal of care as comfort, and almost half “of the patients were described as unable to make any decisions in the last month of life.” " 



https://www.verywellhealth.com/end-stage-parkinson-s-disease-hospice-criteria-5205423

  • "Significant speech changes: Patients may have a very soft voice and experience speech freezing (when they cannot get their words out).
  • Increased fall risk: Patients are at an increased risk of falling from a combination of poor balance, severe stiffness, and orthostatic hypotension (low blood pressure when changing positions).
  • Severe dysphagia: Difficulty swallowing can lead to weight loss, malnutrition, dehydration, and a lung infection called aspiration pneumonia.
  • To clarify, rapid disease progression means that patients are bedridden, have unintelligible speech, require a pureed diet, and/or need major assistance with activities of daily living (ADLs). All of these symptoms or circumstances are common in end-stage PD.
  • "A critical nutrition impairment is common in end-stage PD and means that patients are:
  • Unable to maintain sufficient fluid/calorie intake
  • Continue to lose weight
  • Experience dehydration
  • Refuse artificial feeding methods



https://www.webmd.com/parkinsons-disease/guide/drug-treatments

"Like the newly reported study, patients who were older when their Parkinson’s disease was diagnosed had a greater risk for early death."


https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/end-life-care-people-dementia

Support for Dementia Caregivers at the End of Life


Caring for people with Alzheimer’s or other dementias at home can be demanding and stressful for the family caregiver. Depression is a problem for some family caregivers, as is fatigue, because many feel they are always on call. Family caregivers may have to cut back on work hours or leave work altogether because of their caregiving responsibilities.

Many family members taking care of a person with advanced dementia at home feel relief when death happens—for themselves and for the person who died. It is important to realize such feelings are normal. 



https://parkinsonsdisease.net/basics/stages

Stage four of Parkinson’s disease

In stage four, PD has progressed to a severely disabling disease. Patients with stage four PD may be able to walk and stand unassisted, but they are noticeably incapacitated. Many use a walker to help them.

At this stage, the patient is unable to live an independent life and needs assistance with some activities of daily living. The necessity for help with daily living defines this stage. If the patient is still able to live alone, it is still defined as stage three.


Stage five of Parkinson’s disease

Stage five is the most advanced and is characterized by an inability to rise from a chair or get out of bed without help, they may have a tendency to fall when standing or turning, and they may freeze or stumble when walking.

Around-the-clock assistance is required at this stage to reduce the risk of falling and help the patient with all daily activities. At stage five, the patient may also experience hallucinations or delusions.

While the symptoms worsen over time, it is worth noting that some patients with PD never reach stage five. Also, the length of time to progress through the different stages varies from individual to individual. Not all the symptoms may occur in one individual either. For example, one person may have a tremor but balance remains intact. In addition, there are treatments available that can help at every stage of the disease. However, the earlier the diagnosis, and the earlier the stage at which the disease is diagnosed, the more effective the treatment is at alleviating symptoms.





https://www.compassus.com/for-caregivers/end-of-life-signs-the-final-days-and-hours nice suggestions


https://www.healthline.com/health/parkinsons/stages#stage-4



What is Parkinson’s disease?

Parkinson’s disease (Parkinsonism) is marked by the presence of certain recognizable symptoms. These include uncontrollable shaking or tremor, lack of coordination, and speaking difficulties. However, symptoms vary and may worsen as the disease progresses.

The main symptoms of Parkinson’s include:


  • uncontrollable shaking and tremors
  • slowed movement (bradykinesia)
  • balance difficulties and eventual problems standing up
  • stiffness in limbs


Many doctors who diagnose this brain disorder rely on the Hoehn and Yahr rating scale to classify the severity of symptoms. The scale is broken into five stages based on disease progression. The five stages help doctors evaluate how far the disease has advanced.


Stage 1

Stage 1 is the mildest form of Parkinson’s. At this stage, there may be symptoms, but they’re not severe enough to interfere with daily tasks and overall lifestyle. In fact, the symptoms are so minimal at this stage that they’re often missed. But family and friends may notice changes in your posture, walk, or facial expressions.

A distinct symptom of stage 1 Parkinson’s is that tremors and other difficulties in movement are generally exclusive to one side of the body. Prescribed medications can work effectively to minimize and reduce symptoms at this stage.



Stage 2

Stage 2 is considered a moderate form of Parkinson’s, and the symptoms are much more noticeable than those experienced in stage 1. Stiffness, tremors, and trembling may be more noticeable, and changes in facial expressions can occur.

While muscle stiffness prolongs task completion, stage 2 does not impair balance. Difficulties walking may develop or increase, and the person’s posture may start to change.

People at this stage feel symptoms on both sides of the body (though one side may only be minimally affected) and sometimes experience speech difficulties.

The majority of people with stage 2 Parkinson’s can still live alone, though they may find that some tasks take longer to complete. The progression from stage 1 to stage 2 can take months or even years. And there is no way to predict individual progression.




Stage 3

Stage 3 is the middle stage in Parkinson’s, and it marks a major turning point in the progression of the disease. Many of the symptoms are the same as those in stage 2. However, you’re now more likely to experience loss of balance and decreased reflexes. Your movements become slower overall. This is why falls become more common in stage 3.

Parkinson’s significantly affects daily tasks at this stage, but people are still able to complete them. Medication combined with occupational therapy may help decrease symptoms.


Stage 4

Independence separates people with stage 3 Parkinson’s from those with stage 4. During stage 4, it’s possible to stand without assistance. However, movement may require a walker or other type of assistive device.

Many people are unable to live alone at this stage of Parkinson’s because of significant decreases in movement and reaction times. Living alone at stage 4 or later may make many daily tasks impossible, and it can be dangerous.


Stage 5

Stage 5 is the most advanced stage of Parkinson’s disease. Advanced stiffness in the legs can also cause freezing upon standing, making it impossible to stand or walk. People in this stage require wheelchairs, and they’re often unable to stand on their own without falling. Around-the-clock assistance is required to prevent falls.

Up to 50 percent of people at stages 4 and 5 experience confusion, hallucinations, and delusions. Hallucinations occur when you see things that aren’t there. Delusions happen when you believe things that aren’t true, even when you have been presented with evidence that your belief is wrong.

Dementia is also common, affecting between 50 and 80 percent of people with Parkinson’s, according to the Alzheimer’s Association. 



https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/help-dementia-care/recognising-when-someone-reaching-end-their-life

"Signs of late-stage dementia


Some symptoms of later-stage dementia can suggest the person is reaching the final stage  of their condition. These include:

  • speech limited to single words or phrases that may not make sense
  • having a limited understanding of what is being said to them
  • needing help with most everyday activities
  • eating less and having difficulties swallowing
  • bowel and bladder incontinence
  • being unable to walk or stand, problems sitting up and becoming bed-bound.

If a person with dementia has most or all of these symptoms, they are probably nearing the end of their life. They may have other problems such as being very frail, having infections that keep coming back, or pressure ulcers (bedsores).


Signs of the dying process

As someone’s condition gets worse and they are within a few days or hours of dying, further changes are common. The person may:


  • deteriorate more quickly than before
  • lose consciousness
  • be unable to swallow
  • become agitated or restless
  • develop an irregular breathing pattern
  • have a chesty or rattly sound to their breathing
  • have cold hands and feet.


These changes are part of the dying process when the person is often unaware of what is happening.



https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/320794#after-death


Additional reading 

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Thursday, December 16, 2021

Righteous Judging

I had a dilemma. I consider myself a very judgmental person while many friends would tell me they were comfortable with me cause i was not judgmental and that they could let their guards down. I was confused.


Then I read this today.

https://www.facebook.com/102287058636236/posts/252378670293740/


Maybe the judging that people talk about is an emotional variety. Or non-righteous variety ((Answer to What do you mean about "judging people"? by Heather Jensen https://www.quora.com/What-do-you-mean-about-judging-people/answer/Heather-Jensen-31?ch=15&oid=279768304&share=a1e70c5e&srid=JCl2&target_type=answer). The emotional variety is inconsistently applied and generally used to taunt. And hence perhaps is more hurtful than the righteous judgment. This example of emotional judging is interesting: Answer to What does it mean to judge someone? by Ikshita Khanna


While I consider myself very judgmental perhaps as the Quora article indicates, I might indulge in righteous judgment, subjecting myself to the same rules that I apply to everyone. And may be this is more acceptable to people. That's why maybe friends tell me I don't judge them 


One thing I do not do is look at other people's circumstance (unlike what Heather says in the Quora article). The moment we empathise, we cannot judge righteously. 

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Wednesday, December 8, 2021

Issues With Similar Nature

What happens when two people live together and when both of them are weak in an important aspect that is essential to survive?


In this case both the people are grumpy, incapable of having fun, want things to be exactly so. And unfortunately things aren't good in their lives. 


While I am a strong proponent of the belief that only people having similar traits can get along well.. Here is a situation where dissimilar traits would have been far better. 


That made my mind wander. When a person lacks an important trait and when they are with another person who also lacks it and when they are forced in a situation where they need the trait then life for them becomes a nightmare. 


Similar traits become easier for communication.


Dissimilar traits are good to create a nice novelty factor AND to be able to survive when one of them lacks a survival trait (for example perseverance, positive nature). 


A very negative joyless nature in both people creates havoc when times are difficult for an extended period of time. Both parties try to get their lives back to normalcy but it's difficult.

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Tuesday, November 9, 2021

A Profile Description

She is very emotional.

Has a complete lack of understanding of personal responsibility in the context of cause and effect. 

Imagine someone raped me. I slapped him. And then explains what happened that he did such a thing to me. We discuss it. And then he questions me why I slapped him. And that's all he remembers of the event. Not what he did earlier. 

This is how she is. Doesn't take responsibility for her action at all.


A liar, emotionally manipulative. Isn't capable of generosity. In case of emergency, would want to make sure she doesn't get stressed. Hates stress to herself. Extremely poor sleeper. 


Is capable of moving from saying she loves someone to the point where she wants to sleep with someone else in the space of 5 minutes.


Emotionally manipulative enough to know how to guide someone to propose to her and get him to want to sleep with her - her lack of touch with reality would make her claim that the other person proposed all on his own. When she explained her plan to get intimate with her old flame it was eye opening. 


Nice enough that her kids are comfortable with her and like spending time with her. Has a bunch of friends and colleagues that she is in regular touch with.


Her emotional needs are insatiable. Likely pointing to NPD and or BPD while she jokingly referred to bipolar in herself. 


If someone has an emergency she would say she will be there. And she would mean it literally. She will be there. Not doing much, perhaps texting or otherwise keeping herself engaged in things not relevant to the emergency.


Can't be relied upon to be consistently dependable and organized. 


Is very bright and intuitive. 

She has a tendency to take key words out of a sentence and create a different meaning out of the sentence. 

For example, if someone said they disliked prostitutes taking money for sex she might interpret that to mean that the person called her a prostitute. 


Has a huge void inside her like an emotional black hole and she seeks to fill it. She needs a person who will live for her, whether she can or will reciprocate is something she really doesn't much care about. Dedication to any person or thing doesn't come easily to her.


The love she proclaims that she has for an adult is the love that a woman has for chocolate. Not the love that a mother has for a child.


While her knowledge of maths and numbers is fairly limited, a maths problem at the level of grade 5 may be difficult for her, she says she teaches her children (in class 9) maths. This is an example of how she misrepresents reality. The truth perhaps (a guess) is that she sits with them and keeps them company and suggests that the children read this book or call up that friend to solve the problem and makes tea for them. Most mothers do this. This is not teaching maths. 


Claims that she knows a language when she can understand it at best and hardly speak it. This claim wasn't made in jest.


She said that her husband complained to her that she wasn't all there with him ever. She acknowledged that this was so.

She is preoccupied with her own emotions. Even when with her so called ideal man she said she would be on dating site chatting up others.


While she claims she is a very good housewife and mother, my belief is she spends way too much time with her own activities. 


In short, a very high maintenance person. She is used to a very high class of living. A kind that she most likely cannot get with her own efforts. 


All the good things in her life have been provided for to her. Her best accomplishments would not be commensurate with what she has been given.

She is not much bound my normal sense of restraint. She stays in the marital home because of her needs for the comforts that it provides while disliking the provider. I am sure she thinks she is an equal to "the provider" because she is married to him and has borne his children.


She has a high sense of self worth, perhaps out of very high needs. She is likely to suck the life out of any adult who is close to her so much so that they may wish to have her leave soon. There is a good amount of arrogance - the casual use of words that put down others. 

While she asserts that people hurt her often and that she is a doormat, I think she hurts others much more often. 


She claims that in relationships she assumes the guilt whenever there is an issue. But she frequently blames the other party for the issues. Her behaviour, according to her, have not been the cause but then she says she assumes the guilt, giving herself a saintly aura.


She comes very close to a person having a personality disorder. She claims she never gets angry. She is capable of extremely intense emotions including anger.


Relationship with her ideal man is more of satisfying her own needs and would involve little of satisfying his. 


She is self centred, unempathetic, extremely needy, controlling. And constantly on an emotional rollercoaster.


A relevant article in this context: https://www.ckju.net/en/dossier/machiavellianism-what-it-how-recognize-and-cope-machiavellians

She is certainly not psychopathic. 


In summary, what she says doesn't seem authentic. Her words can't be taken at face value. 

She said she was raised in a very loving family lacking nothing that a child would want. 


Why then? What happened? How did she turn out this way? 




Additional reading:

https://vbala99.blogspot.com/2021/10/to-lizard-with-love.html

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Sunday, October 17, 2021

To Lizard With Love

Today I saw a lizard in my kitchen sink. It had fallen into the sink and was unable to climb out. It kept trying to climb up but couldn't get traction and fell back into the sink.




I felt bad for the fellow. So I put a broom in the sink and hoped the lizard would climb on it and out. Well the lizard did climb on it and was then halfway across the broom. I was egging him on to cross over the sink on to safety beyond. Reflected

If you ask me why I think it was a male, the answer is simple. He was trying to solve his problem and not expecting the world to solve her problem.





Inexplicably, the lizard stood in the middle over the sink, but not across it completely, and then fell back inside the sink. 


I reflected. How many times have I seen others on trouble and when I have tried to help them they, as the lizard, unable to get across their problem but fall back into their "sink". How many times have I fallen into my sink when friends tried to help me.


It's so easy to feel sympathy for a lizard and think how stupid it is that it's not able to use our help. How often to we see ourselves as the same lizard?


Incidentally after a few minutes, he did successfully use the broom and get over to safety.


Moral of the story:

Not everyone with a broom is a witch.

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