When do we have a conversation with a person we cannot tolerate?
Often times we are driven to have a conversation with a person whom we cannot tolerate. It's not because we want a favor of them. No, we do not need anything tangible from that person.
We want companionship - a need to talk. And that person has something in their conversation that we intuitively realize we want. That the person is a pain in other ways and is one we would normally go miles to avoid is not relevant because our current need for a conversation is so high. And mentally perhaps we have calculated that the trade-off is worth it.
Why do we not like this person? Maybe it's because the person is self centered or opinionated or a cheat or chauvinistic or sarcastic or whatever. Despite knowing the person, we want a piece of (conversation with) the person. It's like an addiction, indulging in something which we ought to know isn't good for us.
What is this trade-off?
Subconsciously we tradeoff - we know we (our S2, read http://vbala99.blogspot.com/2017/10/thinking-fast-and-slow-daniel-kahnemann.html) will discard the person. But it's the immediate craving, coming from S1, that we feel the urge to address. This drives us to have the conversation with a person who is inappropriate. And then we take a cathartic shower after the conversation.
Why do we want to talk to this person?
I think it's because we are mostly surrounded by people who do not bring out an X (something that we love - say, an appreciation of humor or intelligence, confidence) in us. And this person, despite their "dark" nature, brings out just that. That X is so important to us we are willing to let go of our good sense, temporarily. Certainly we do not feel any love towards this person. Maybe we also are comfortable opening ourselves up to them which we would do rarely with anyone else, nice person or not.
In case of married people, the awakening of the X is also perhaps a route to an EMA (Extra marital affair). It provides the right combination of X and "no love" that is essential for the birth and healthy sustenance of an EMA.
Continuing further, if you want to know whether someone is in love with you determine whether the other person has the X factor for you or love.
Why do we want to talk to this person?
I think it's because we are mostly surrounded by people who do not bring out an X (something that we love - say, an appreciation of humor or intelligence, confidence) in us. And this person, despite their "dark" nature, brings out just that. That X is so important to us we are willing to let go of our good sense, temporarily. Certainly we do not feel any love towards this person. Maybe we also are comfortable opening ourselves up to them which we would do rarely with anyone else, nice person or not.
In case of married people, the awakening of the X is also perhaps a route to an EMA (Extra marital affair). It provides the right combination of X and "no love" that is essential for the birth and healthy sustenance of an EMA.
Continuing further, if you want to know whether someone is in love with you determine whether the other person has the X factor for you or love.
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